Toy Soldier T-Shirt – High Calibre Tee.

September 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

army t-shirt

Perhaps his side arm is a Walther Sweet-Pea K? – That pun will get me shot at dawn.

This Toy Soldier T-Shirt also goes by the name War and Peace, but when I was a lad (too many moons ago), it was a different story…

“You weren’t there, man! You weren’t there when the 1st Plastic Regiment were dropped into the rockery. It was carnage, man! We lost Shiny and Falls-Over-All-The-Time to the pond, Broken-Arm and Snapped-Off-Head got chewed up by the dog… Even Cowboy-Who-Was-Only-There-To-Make-Up-The-Numbers-Despite-Looking-Really-Out-Of-Place disappeared into the bush!”

This was me, aged about seven. I know this t-shirt is supposed to represent the dichotomy between the soldier and the flower, the relationship between unnatural and natural mortality, but I’ll always look at it and think of my old plastic army men. So few of them made it to retirement. We don’t keep in touch anymore. Too many bad memories of battles lost and comrades fallen. The daisies in those days towered over my comrades’ heads, but made excellent cover. So excellent in fact that some of them were lost below their shady petals forever. Or until the lawnmower went over them. I shall therefore wear this tee in tribute to my lost brothers. I’ll also wear it because it’s a great looking design, brought to you by Layer Eight who often create rather splendid garments.

I spotted this on notonthehighstreet.com where it costs £25 and comes in this fetching green (apt both for military and horticultural reasons). Sizes range from Small to XXL. You owe it to your little plastic men, after they have given so much.

 

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Hitchhiker’s Guide T-Shirt – Where’s the whale, Hubble?

September 26, 2012 § Leave a comment

hitchhikers guide whale

It’s big and round… Not the t-shirt, the… never mind.

There’s nothing like a Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy T-Shirt to make me smile, especially after the Hubble telescope let me down…

If you haven’t seen this image that combines a decade of the Hubble telescope looking into a small piece of space, I suggest you take a look. It’s fascinating if nothing else. An immense collection, filled with stars. It is impressive. However, it has also let me down a bit. Everyone who looks into space secretly (or in my case quite blatantly) wants to catch a glimpse of Aliens and life going on beyond our little corner of the galaxy. If this is not the case, the classic book by Douglas Adams is a lie, and I don’t like that idea. I want it to be true. I want to stare into that field of stars that the Hubble has collected and brought to us, and see Vogon demolition crews going about their business, Zaphod Beeblebrox ruling the galaxy, and Arthur and Ford hurtling around with their towels. And I’d like to see the restaurant at the end of the Universe too – if only to see how long the queue is. As it is, I shall settle for this rather fetching Whale T-Shirt which looks rather splendid and cites a brilliant passage from the book itself. Now I just have to find a bowl of petunias to match.

This splendid t-shirt comes from thinkgeek.com (where else!?) and it will cost you a trifling $17.99 – $19.99 depending on your size (which goes from S-XXXL). It comes in stone blue. Now I need to annoy all of my friends by quoting the book all week. Ironically, they tend to quote the bowl of petunias by simply remarking “Oh no, not again…”

p.s. In the speech bubble on the tee, the whale is saying “I wonder if it’ll be friends with me?”

Moustache T-Shirt – Movember is approaching…

September 24, 2012 § Leave a comment

movember t-shirt

A fan-tache-tic t-shirt

As Movember is fast approaching, and because this Moustache T-shirt is particularly fetching, I urge you to take a look at it.

I like Movember. Not only is it an excuse to sport a ‘tache (which all men secretly really enjoy) but it also helps us fight against the scourge that is testicular cancer. Now, even if you’re not one of us Y chromosome chaps (being that you would be a chap-ette – a lady, even), you can of course appreciate the fear, terror and distress that finding a lump can create. Movember is great way of helping to fight against this, and all you have to do, if you are a male, is grow a mo. I did it last year with some colleagues and we raised about £500 between us, which isn’t too shabby. This year, we’ll be trying again, although we may try bending the rules a little. You’re meant to start the month with a bald top-lip, but those of us who live with a full set of face-fuzz throughout the year, can remove our beards and simply sport our already full-grown moustaches throughout november. I intend to wax mine into something like the magnificent Walrus-ness that was sported Stephen Fry’s General Melchett in Blackadder. If you need some inspiration for your own lip-warmer, I suggest picking out this fantastic tee. Not only does it look great, but it’ll remind your fellow blokes, lads and gents about Movember. So sport this t-shirt, sign up to do Movember (<= click on this link to visit the official site) and do your bit for your fellow man.

You can grab this t-shirt from notonthehighstreet.com where it will cost you £25. It only comes in white and in sizes Small to XXL. Oh, and if you’re going to try doing Movember for the first time, I recommend you avoid eating soup that month – experienced mo-growers will know of what I speak.

 

Duff Beer T-Shirt – Can’t get enough of that wonderful Duff.

September 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

simpsons t-shirt

Mmm… Duff.

The Duff Beer T-Shirt is a favourite of mine. It celebrates not only The Simpsons, a television show that I grew up with, but also beer. That’s two of my favourite things right there!

Bart Simpson and I are of a very similar age. I think he’s actually a couple of years older than me, and yet while his looks have remained youthful, mine have withered into the gnarled, grizzly and furry specimen that sits here writing this. One of the only advantages I have over him (and also a contributing factor to the gnarled/grizzly look) is that I got old enough to drink beer. I have sampled literally thousands of different beers from porters to stouts, from lagers to bitters and a few really weird ones besides. I’ve supped beers from all over the world, and found some real hidden gems from the oddest places. But while sitting in the Placa del Rei in Barcelona, about this time last year, I ordered a beer I’d not had before, and it turned out to be real, actual, genuine Duff. And it was darn tasty too. I was happy than a Spider-pig in… well, you know. Homer would be very happy were he to appear in the real world. So Bart can keep his youth, and I shall drink beer with Homer instead. Woohoo!

This fantastic looking Simpsons T-Shirt can be found at truffleshuffle.co.uk where it’ll cost you no more than £17.99 (and a bit of p&p). It’s red and it’s available in sizes small to XL (though they’re a bit low in stock at the moment). And just remember Homer’s wisest adage: “Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

 

Octopus T-Shirt – Squid-tastic

September 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

octoband

Other mollusc bands include: Joe Cockles, Reel Big Cuttlefish and Flipmode Squid.

I came across this Octopus T-Shirt, aptly titled ‘OCTOBAND’ and instantly smiled, and not just because it gave me an excuse to think up mollusc-themed band-name puns.

This octopus, whose name comes from the latin ‘octo’, meaning ‘eight’ and ‘pus’, meaning ‘cat’ (wait, I don’t think that’s right…), represents a few things that are, oddly, very human. Firstly, it shows off a grim yet wacky sense of humour. After all, it is an octopus one-“man”-band that just happens to be holding the severed limbs of the instruments’ former players in its tentacles while wearing a rather menacing expression. Secondly, it highlights some people’s ability to create something unique and unusual that only they could have thought of. This tee has been skilfully created by the talented designer/illustrator SEPR and only he could have created this image. It’s an image that, as I mentioned, made me smile, and that’s a pretty cool thing to do. But when you leave all of that philosophical crap behind, what you’re left with is an awesome looking t-shirt that I, for one, would quite like to get my hands (or tentacles) on.

And how might I do that? Well, this stylish squid can be found at Spunky.co.uk where it’ll set you back just £24.99. It only comes in ‘chocolate’ (imagine if it actually did come in chocolate – messy but tasty) and there are sizes ranging from medium to XXL. Did you know that octopi can pretend to be coconuts? True story…

 

Piranha Plants T-Shirt – Plumbers beware!

September 14, 2012 § Leave a comment

super mario t-shirt

Hand me the secateurs…

This Piranha Plants T-Shirt not only reminds me of the years I’ve spent in the company of a moustachioed Italian plumber, but it also looks really cool too.

I feel I know Mario quite well. Very well actually. In fact, I’m a bit annoyed that he doesn’t send me a Christmas card each year. I’ve gone driving with him, rescued him from monsters, helped him prescribe drugs and even played tennis with him. I know all the members of his family and I even helped him pull Princess Peach on multiple occasions. But of all the tasks that I have helped him with, the one that I failed at so often, was dealing with these plants. As shrubbery goes, there is no more villainous, devious and horrid lump of teeth-bearing vegetation than the piranha plant. It’s always been pretty low in the pecking order of Mario’s enemies, and they shouldn’t be that hard to deal with, but no matter how many times you play it, once in a while you’ll mistime your jump and get bitten in the backside by one of these evil buds. A frustration that I shall always have to live with I guess, but on the plus side, I can now sport this rather dashing t-shirt to remind me of the perils. It is beautifully designed and far more subtle than seeing Mario’s beaming grin all over your chest. I will happily slay koopa troopas and goombas in their thousands, but there is no weed-killer strong enough…

I stumbled across this Super Mario T-Shirt at crazydogshirts.com where it’ll set you back $15.19 at the moment (it’s reduced from $18.99 at the time of writing this post). Men’s and women’s styles both go from sizes S-2XL, while 3XL and 4XL are also available for the blokes, and it only comes in this subtle light brown. So eat some mushrooms, jump on some turtles and pass the pruning shears.

Humerus T-Shirt – It tickled my funny bone.

September 11, 2012 § Leave a comment

humorous t-shirt

Puns + T-Shirts = Happy me!

The Humerus T-Shirt is a lesson in the art of punning that all should take note of. It’s simple, yet very smart. And I could happily pun all day long.

Ah, the English language. I feel a bit sorry for anyone who has to learn it when it isn’t their first language, and yet, a little envious too. It twists around, means the opposite of what it says, doesn’t obey its own rules and carries on like a loon in a nuthouse most of the time. It’s fluid and ever-changing. It won’t sit still. And yet learning the basics is apparently very easy. It’s just the years and years of trying to master it that makes it infuriating for many. But how rewarding it must be to know that you’ve tamed it! And in getting on top of it, there is the inevitable stroll through the labyrinthine maze that is punning. So in purchasing this t-shirt and wearing it proudly, you are helping to educate people on the wonders (and pitfalls) of common English usage. Not only that, it’s damn funny too. And it looks pretty good. Educational, funny and attractive. It sounds like me! *mocking laughter heard nearby*

You can grab this for yourself at cafepress.co.uk. It was designed by someone called thisishumerus who seems to work solely with this gem of an idea (at least at the moment). It’ll cost you £25, is available in blue or green and in sizes S-2XL (though the largest size will set you back an extra £2.50). Have a laugh and don’t get shirty – get this shirty. *groans*

 

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