October 30, 2012 § 1 Comment
Another Halloween tee for you, and this Bloody Hands T-Shirt highlights the plight of all those friendly neighbourhood serial killers out there. Laundry.
Of course, any practising serial killer has many problems to deal with. Keeping weapons concealed yet easily accessible, stopping the victim struggling, trying to watch TV while the voices in their heads ramble on… It really is a minefield of difficulties and challenges that we “normals” seldom fully comprehend. But the worst thing of all is the washing that it entails. As well as having to wipe-down fingerprints and keep the trunk of your car clean, the laundry bills must be a nightmare. Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of a poly-cotton blend? Neither do I, but I’m guessing it’s a chore. Sure, you could kill someone while naked but that’s just a little bit creepy, isn’t it? I suppose you could wear head-to-toe PVC for easy-wipe-down convenience, but that can get rather hot, especially in the summer months. I’m afraid, the lot of a serial killer is to spend a lot of time sat in front of the washing machine, hoping that his or her socks don’t turn orange. This is why I never go into a laundrette because I’ve been told that they’re absolutely full of psychopaths. True story.
This Bloody Handprints T-Shirt is, therefore, a real time and money saver for any psycho-killer out there. People will think it’s funny, and the more real blood you add, the more realistic the design will look, therefore impressing your friends or your toaster. You can grab one yourself at 8ball.co.uk where it’ll set you back no more than £14.99. It comes in three colours and sizes range from Small to 2XL, so whether you’re a Bradley “Chopper” Smith or a Robert Ben Rhoades (the shortest and tallest serial killers I could find – google them for some Halloween fun!), you’ll find a fit for you. And if you find yourself in a laundrette on Halloween, you’re already dead…
October 29, 2012 § Leave a comment
Taking a break from scary t-shirts to bring you something that I’m very happy about. To celebrate the 100th tee review on bigscarytees.com, I bring you the Century T-shirt.
Yep, if you trawl through this blog, you’ll find 100 t-shirts that yours truly has written about. I’ve dribbled lots of irreverent, meaningless and confusing nonsense about 100 wonderful t-shirts, all of which I either own or want to own. There have been new t-shirts, iconic t-shirts and t-shirts of every colour. I’ve enjoyed them all, and I look forward to rambling on about the next 100. Hopefully, I’m going to start introducing some new features too. Don’t know what they are yet, but I’ll work it out.
Now, back to this tee, and as we get ready for England’s winter tour of India, this seemed perfect. I know the Ashes are the big one when it comes to cricket, especially in England, but the games I always enjoy the most are those that are played when England are on tour in either India or the West Indies. The two sides always seem to play harder and compliment each other. Yes, it means sitting up until all hours of the night, listening to the radio or dozing in front of the television, but that’s part of the magic. And this is great looking tee to don while listening to leather hitting willow and the shouts of “Howzat!”.
This Cricket T-Shirt brought to you by desirage and is available on cafepress.co.uk. It comes in three colours, six sizes (S-3XL) and its price starts at £17 (it’s on offer at the time of writing). So while England are hitting sixes and knocking off plenty of bails, I’ll hopefully be well into the next 100 t-shirts. Thanks for reading!
October 29, 2012 § Leave a comment
<a href=”http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4160009/?claim=wxh2atp4dkz”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>
What’s this thing, I imagine you saying in a slightly upset but still intrigued kind of way. This thing will now allow you to follow bigscarytees.com on bloglovin.com (if I’ve done it right). Just click on it and you can get updates from my blog alongside others which actually take themselves seriously. Do I take blogging seriously? Yes and no. Indeed, I will write useful things and give you plenty of links, but on the other hand, I will end blog posts from time to time with nonsensical phrases and silly things. Dribble matchbox paperback.
p.s. They made me do this. I had no choice! Don’t kill me!
p.s.p.s They didn’t really.
p.s.p.s.p.s And I don’t think you’d have actually killed me…
October 28, 2012 § Leave a comment
Zombies are one of my favourite horror subjects, and I enjoy any t-shirt that celebrates them, so this halloween, I’ll be wearing my I Love Zombies T-Shirt. But more than that, I feel zombies get a tough rap. They get very little love. They get shot in the head, chopped up, and blamed for so much that’s wrong. That can’t be fair. Therefore, I shall write the rest of this post in Zombie, for zombies. Though it’s not my first language, I’ve been practising for a long time now. So zombies, this one’s for you.
UUuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh Nyuuuuuurrrgggghhhh Garrrrrrrrrrrrr Urrrrggggghhhh Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrggggghhhhhh. Uuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh Uuurrrggghhh Rrrraaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggg Nnnyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuurrrrrggghhh Urrghh. Grrrrrrrrruuuuuuuurrrrrgggggghhhhh Uuuurrrgghh, Gggaaaaarrrrrr Uuurrgghh Nyuuurrggghhh. Hrrruuuuggggggghhhhhh Nnnggggguuuurrrrggghhh? Uuuuuurrrrggggghhhhh.
There. I hope I got that right. Last thing that I’d want to do would be to upset any zombies with my poor diction. If you’d like to show your love for zombies this halloween, head over to grindstore.com where this Zombie Tee will set you back no more than £10.99 (Great price!). It comes in sizes Small to XL and it only comes in black. Enjoy some brains and some shuffling this halloween, and remember… THEY’RE BEHIND YOU!
October 26, 2012 § Leave a comment
Continuing with halloween, I thought I’d find a tee with something that really used to creep me out when I was a kid. Happily, this Spider T-Shirt has volunteered.
This technically isn’t a halloween t-shirt, but if you have ever had arachnophobia, there is nothing scarier. In an arachnophobic’s eyes, these hairy, creepy little alien monsters are disgusting demons that plague our existence and ought to be wiped from the face of the planet. When I used to see a spider, I’d scream “Kill it! Kill it with fire!” and then go mental on it. I found dropping books on them was a good way to deal with them, or whipping them off the ceiling with a towel – both options gave you distance and that’s important. But there is nothing scarier than sitting alone at night, with only the blue light of the TV casting long shadows across the room, and seeing something scuttle out of the corner of your eye. And if you don’t get rid of it then and there, and you lose it to the shadows, that room can never be entered again. Ever. How did I drop my fear of spiders? Well, in my teens, we moved to the countryside and you can’t be scared of spiders there because they’re everywhere. Cobwebs all over the place, no matter how many times you get rid of them. It would be like being scared of air. And I no longer kill them, because that seems a little cruel. Just because they’re a bit disgusting, it doesn’t mean they deserve death. If that was the case, someone would have dropped a book on me long ago.
The good thing about this Spider Tee is that it can be worn all year round because, frankly, it looks great. RedHill, the person behind the design, has picked excellent colours and neat shapes to craft a very pleasing look, even if it is covered in spiders. This one can be found at spreadshirt.co.uk where it costs £23.32. Lots of alternative colours are available (though I’m liking the teal) and sizes go from small to XXL. Hang on. What’s that crawling on your shoulder…
October 25, 2012 § Leave a comment
There is no-one scarier. Freddy, Jason, Dracula… none of them compare to the “misunderstood” entity that is Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, and now there’s a Johnny The Homicidal Maniac T-Shirt too.
If you’ve read Jhonen Vasquez’ graphic (violently graphic) JTHM book, you’ll be aware, but for those of you who don’t know, allow me to fill you in a little. Johnny could be a regular guy, except that he has a wall in his basement that torments him if he doesn’t keep it slick with blood, and his only friend is Nail-Bunny, a long dead rabbit that he once nailed to the wall. But he’s very ethical about who he kills and it tends to be only the scum of society who feels his unrelenting wrath (that scum including anyone who has ever spoken one bad word to him and pedophiles). He goes on a fantastical and terrifying journey to discover something about himself and the world, but he also concludes that the journey probably wasn’t worth it. It’s terrifying, touching, daring, brilliant and wholly unique. Vasquez’ imagery and illustration is striking and unsurpassed in my humble opinion and he captured a nightmare world perfectly for his work. And the fact that you can now get this work on a t-shirt makes me very happy indeed. It’s also perfect for halloween.
I found this JTHM T-Shirt at stylinonline.com. It’s just under $20.00, comes in black only (very appropriate) and sizes range from Small to XXL. I shall leave you with one of my favourite Johnny quotes: “I’ve been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I’ve done horrifying things with salad tongs. It’s really eaten into my social life.”
October 25, 2012 § Leave a comment
Continuing this week’s Halloween theme, today we’re looking at this Pennywise T-Shirt, which is pretty much responsible for destroying the positive view of clowns in everybody.
I always liked clowns. During my teenage years, I even liked the Insane Clown Posse (something I’ve happily grown out of) but I never had a problem with clowns. None of my friends had anything against clowns either, until they got to the age when they were old enough to watch It. After that, if they were crossing the road, they would never cross over a gutter drain. It was that bad. And after that, all clowns were creepy. Even a happy clown who just made children laugh, was now considered more terrifying than Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster or the Wolfman. I still don’t have a problem with clowns, but I do get a kick out of showing some people a picture of Pennywise and seeing the look of cold, naked dread pass over their features as they recall hiding behind the sofa and sleeping with the lights on for a week. Since It, clowns have more frequently appeared as evil monsters, but for the ultimate evil of the red-nosed variety, accept no substitutes. As for what he would do, well, it wouldn’t be nice…
Celebrate the psychotic clown by picking up one of these Clown T-Shirts from jessytees.com where it’ll set you back no more than £11.69 (very reasonable!). It comes only in black, but there are loads of sizes available. But when you’re wearing it, don’t grab people and shout “Kiss me, fat boy!” or you’ll be paying for their therapy sessions for years.