Santa T-Shirt – He sees you when you’re sleeping…
December 17, 2012 § Leave a comment
It’s unavoidable. It’s here. The halls have been decked with boughs of holly (which are probably snagging people’s awful Christmas jumpers) and everyone is jingling their bells (surely an indecent act). So here’s a Santa T-Shirt that I found. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Here is a list of things I have learned about Santa Claus:
1. You can ruin Santa Claus for anyone by noting the similarities between St Nick and Jimmy Saville. Think about it. White hair, red track suit, creeping into kids’ bedrooms, rummaging in his sack… Not nice is it.
2. Also, Santa is an anagram of Satan.
3. Old-school Santa Claus used to carry off naughty children in his sack (sounds like Jimmy Saville again, doesn’t it).
4. Our modern day Santa was designed by Coca Cola.
So, hopefully that’s dragged you down to the level of seasonal depression that I usually dwell in until 26 December. I wish I still believed in the Father Christmas that I believed in when I was a kid, but I don’t. Presents now are about greed, reciprocal greed and obligations. Reindeer are a now a delicacy steak or burger choice served at quirky restaurants. And according to Lord of the Rings, the elves have all gone away. Christmas is dead to me now. It’s just an excuse to get fatter and get more stuff. Joy to the frigging world.
However, as I understand it, there are some of you out there who still cling to the ideals of Christmas. I salute your optimism and, to show my admiration, I’ve found you this Santa Claus T-Shirt for you to wear. It’ll cost you £21.50 from cafepress.co.uk, is available in nine colours and sizes range from small to 3XL. So celebrate, smile, sing carols, eat turkey, open presents and enjoy yourself. I shall be imitating this.