January 30, 2013 § Leave a comment
So, I’ve been away from you for a couple of days now. Sorry about that. I think I had brain fever or something. At one stage, during a temperature-induced hallucination, I saw an ocean in myself. And to symbolise this, here’s a Shark T-Shirt. A millpond it weren’t.
Sweat-soaked, pounding headache, dry-tongue… the last fews days haven’t been particularly pleasant. I felt nauseated every time I stood up. On the mend now, but for a couple of days, I was in a pretty ropey way. But worst of all were the dreams. Writhing apparitions seared themselves into my dreams, babbling, ranting and whispering prophecies, secrets and formulas. Ghosts of the past showing me the different paths I could have walked, and spectres of the future laying out the maps I may choose to take in the days and years ahead. Mistakes made manifest between my thoughts, duelling with triumphs. It got pretty intense. I maintain my illness may well have been psychosomatic, and a product of the philosophising I’ve been doing of late about my life and what it could be or should be or what I would will it to be. Or I caught a bug. Either or. The point is that I rediscovered the ocean of imagination, emotion and intelligence that I’ve been missing of late. It is a deep ocean within my thoughts that I need to reconnect to. But lurking just below its surface, are sharks. Circling and daring me to enter and make it to depths that they cannot reach. That’s why I went looking for this t-shirt. It’s also why I’m telling you that for a little while, posts here won’t be so regular. I’ve got a lot of junk in my brain I need to clean up and that takes priority, so for a little while at least, BigScaryTees will be a bit quieter. Still plenty of cool tees to look at, but maybe only one or two new ones a week. We’ll see.
If you’re a fan of bizarre mental activities, or just a fan of fish or sea-dwelling predators, you can find this tee at spreadshirt.com where it costs CAD$22.21. Sizes range from Small to XXL, there are loads of colours and alternative styles to choose from. And remember: If you’re going to dip your toe in the water, it’s better to just dive in and face what lurks beneath.
January 25, 2013 § Leave a comment
I love a clever tee. And a tee design that shows passion in its creation. The Under The Weather T-Shirt has all of that in spades, and I think it looks just great. And it gives me plenty to talk about too (aside from my own changing of ways).
Let’s start with the weather. In London today we’ll have had freezing fog, snow, rain and we’re in for a warm weekend apparently. Nice. That’s what British weather should be. Completely schizophrenic and entirely unhelpful. In terms of illness, I’m getting a cold apparently. Not that I have any visible symptoms, just a familiar tickle in the sinuses that leads me to believe that in a few days I’ll be hacking, sneezing and generally feeling miserable. So there you go. And this is why I love this t-shirt. It exploits the wonders of the English language through pun and metaphor allowing me to talk about these disparate subjects without the need for a tortured segway. Not only that but the illustration is as cute as a button too.
This tee was created by the good folks at paperpencilpen.com who look to be something worth getting excited about. I recognise a fellow serial drawer and doodler when I see one and the people behind these designs have that wonderful ability in abundance. It’s the ability to just sit down and start drawing. Nothing so quickly becomes something. It’s great. And to transfer that to t-shirt design makes me very happy. This t-shirt will cost you $14.00, comes in white, and there are several styles and loads of sizes to choose from. I also urge you to check out their entire range – it’s full of tee-resure. See. I can pun too.
January 24, 2013 § Leave a comment
Apocalypse now is a legendary film. Even the making of it is legendary (heart attacks, cyclones, et al). And the book that inspired it, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad is equally as powerful. This Horror T-Shirt symbolises where I feel I’m getting to. And the Brando quote above is most apt. The horror. The horror…
Remember how I was talking about change a few posts back? Well, I’ve been studying some of the more potent metamorphoses that have occurred in fiction and the change in Colonel Kurtz in both Apocalypse Now and Heart of Darkness is arguably the most powerful. A soldier with perfect discipline who disappears into the jungle and realises who he is and what the world is to such an extent that he simply can’t go back to what he was before. He has walked to the very edge, stared into the abyss, felt it stare back at him and realised that he was the abyss. Every fault in the world is a fault within him. This is what I have arrived at. Now, I’m not about to go and hide in the jungle and become a violent cult-leader (chance would be a fine thing). No, I’m merely acknowledging that I am the problem, not the world around me. It is my ugliness, created and sculpted by my own opinions that is making my life worse. It is my concern over who I am now that is preventing me from being who I want to be. I am fat, ugly and unsociable, but I have to stop letting that hold me back. I’m not the only fat, ugly and unsociable person in the world. And I’m not the worst of them either. I must shrug off the world, discard opinion and decide for myself. There. That got deep quick, eh? Feeling uncomfortable yet?
So, if you’re having your own philosophical moment, or if you’re just a fan of the book/film, you can get this Apocalypse Now T-Shirt at Blueraytshirts.co.uk. It’s available in black, comes in sizes S-XXL and costs £13.99. Who knows what piece of fiction will influence my life next…
January 23, 2013 § Leave a comment
If you want to be a loveable rogue, you could do worse than model yourself on Remy LeBeau, alias Gambit from the X-Men. I shall illustrate why below, but just take a moment to check out this Gambit T-Shirt. Tres Bon.
For all the hype about Wolverine (who is undoubtably cool), the prize for the coolest of all X-Men undoubtably goes to Gambit. He’s mysterious, he has glowing red eyes, was part of a thieves guild in New Orleans and can turn potential energy into kinetic energy (we think Stan Lee had a flash back to a school science lesson just before he dreamed this character up). Armed with a deck of cards and anything else he can get his hands on, he can pretty much blow anything he wants up. And to top it off, when the really old school X-Men cartoon first appeared, we found out that he sounded like Pepe Le Pew on dope. There’s also the mystery surrounding his future (which isn’t really a mystery any more but it used to be). Follow his story in the comic books and you’ll see why. Very cool. Also, he’s a bit of a player and uses the classic combination of French accent and dark-and-mysterious demeanour to get plenty of girls, including Rogue. So not only is he a loveable rogue, but he has a loveable Rogue too. Clever.
This X-Men T-Shirt is brought to you by thinkgeek.com where it costs between $19.99 and $21.99. Sizes range between small and XXXL and it only comes in what they call ‘chestnut’. Be the coolest Cajun that you can be.
January 22, 2013 § Leave a comment
Where I work, we’re in the full swing of Valentine’s Day. It’s love this, heart that, and I’m absolutely sick of it. If I never see flowers or cards ever again, it’ll be too soon. So I went looking for a Hate T-Shirt. Found one.
I’m a pretty mild mannered person these days. I’ve been trying to be a nice person for quite a while and I think I’m pretty good at it. I’m kind, helpful, conscientious and I’ll often put myself out to assist others. I’m a shoulder to cry on, an open ear and I try not to pass judgement on anyone or anything. I’m a nice guy. Not that it’s helped me with anything. Ok, so people like me, but in the same way that they like a Victoria sponge cake. They’d rather have chocolate fudge cake or something bright with sweet icing, but sponge will do for the moment. That doesn’t help with finding love either. I got way more action when I was a bit of a tool. Now I’m nice, I only get noticed when I get in the way. So writing about Valentine’s Day is a bit irksome to say the least. It’s all about pretty, and lovely, and heartfelt and… *stops to vomit* …stuff like that. Right now, all I want to do is hate something or somebody and get it out of my system. I used to have enemies and I miss them! Hate can be so much fun. It’s visceral and warming. It’s passion in its rawest form. It’s gratifying and just so damn sweet. And I don’t do it anymore. Which is a bit dull and *chokes on following word* likeable. Want my advice? Don’t be the good guy. It’s no fun.
So celebrate hatred (because we all know it’s so much better than love) by grabbing this I Love Haters T-Shirt from cafepress.co.uk. It’s currently £19.00, comes in nine colours and nine sizes so you’ll find something that’ll fit. Now I need to find a girl that will hate me forever. That’d be sweet.
January 22, 2013 § Leave a comment
Ever get to that stage where you work out that something has to change? Something needs altering in your life? Well, that’s where I’m arriving at. So here’s a Change T-Shirt to illustrate the point.
Ever think about how you got to where you are today? I’ve been dwelling on the same subject myself and it’s the damnedest thing, but I don’t recall having any real say in any of it. I dare say plenty of it was my fault, but I’m sure those slights I’ve visited upon myself weren’t premeditated. Lord knows I stumble into things more than plan an expedition to them and that’s done me fine for a lifetime so far, but it’s running out of steam. And so am I. I need something new and I need it to be good. Don’t have a notion of what that something might be right now, but I shall have to start thinking about it. I’m not one of the things I ever wanted or tried to be. Going back throughout my life I’ve wanted to be an astronaut, archeologist, rock star, professional author, highly-regarded poet and a soldier of fortune. And I work in an office. My hobbies, throughout my life went from geeky to cool to geeky, and then geeky became cool, but then I went to the part of geeky that’s never cool. Not with intent or design, but from a desire to be different and happy. Well, happiness is an odd thing. Even when everything’s going right, a man can still be miserable. Even when it’s only jackpots and ecstasy, putting a smile on the face can be damn hard. Because they’re not the right jackpots. If you keep yourself aiming low, you never have to worry about having too far to fall. Now, I’m willing to strap on a parachute and space suit and go up to where I can’t even see the low I was aiming for anymore. I need a change. I need to start being the me that I always wanted to be. Can’t say I have clue one where to start, but I’ll get working on that. And if you’re not happy, you should maybe start looking at who you are and who you’d rather be. Personally, I’d like to be the me I always wanted to be and not whoever I am now. That’s where I’ll start.
If you’re going to make a change, and you want a bit of inspiring in the form of a tee, you can get the above shirt from spreadshirt.com. It costs $25.72, sizes range from small to XXL and there’s a selection of colours to choose from. Good luck.
January 21, 2013 § Leave a comment
Every now and again I come across a tee that deserves talking about for reasons other than it somehow fitting in with the weirdness in my head. And this is one of those. This Elephant T-Shirt features wonderful design that ought to be celebrated.
I like elephants. Not as much as I like monkeys. Or cats. But I put them on a par with bears so that’s a pretty good place to be in my estimation of things. But rather than ramble on about the finer points of pachyderms, I’m going to ramble on a little about the sheer quality of this design. First of all, the colours of this t-shirt are spot on. On the white background, the subdued tones stand out and really grab the eye. They soft grey of the elephant is almost hidden behind quiet bursts of flowers, stems and leaves, really bringing the animal to life. Then the trunk, elongated and twisted to resemble an ampersand in which a woman happily sits, at rest, in peace with nature, makes for a beautiful twist (literally and figuratively). It’s just a delight to look at. Like the elephant itself, it walks softly, committing no sin and with very few wishes (well, what else could you wish for with this design?). It was created by Huebucket and I for one think it’s one of the finest tees I’ve seen. What’s more, the whole range is splendid.
You can get your own from Huebucket’s BigCartel Store, where it costs just $22.00. It’s available in small and medium sizes and only in white. Worth every penny!
January 18, 2013 § Leave a comment
Snow is falling across London at the moment, and is ruining my plans for the weekend. If only this was the ice planet, Hoth, I could relax in the familiar surroundings of Echo Base. I’ll have to settle for this Hoth T-Shirt. Well, I haven’t looked at a Star Wars tee in a while.
There are several similarities between London at the moment and Hoth. It’s snowing… well, there’s probably some other stuff too, right? But it’s the differences that stand out the most. For a start, if I get cold strolling around Kilburn, I can’t slice anything open and live inside it. It’s not that I have an objection to the activity per se, but there are very few living things in that neck of the woods that would fit me. The day they let cows graze in Queen’s Park, I’m sorted, but until then, when it snows, I’ll just have to settle for going indoors. You’ve got to feel sorry for Taun Tauns really. Not only do they live on one of the galaxy’s least hospitable planets, they have ice monsters and insensitive pirates wielding lightsabers desecrating their corpses to keep their Jedi buddies warm to worry about. I can’t imagine it’s a particularly pleasant existence. But then again, nor is mine at the moment. Not having a Taun Taun, I have to rely on a Train Train. Or even just a train. And I’m guessing that won’t be working. And my weekend plans have been cancelled due to weather. And I haven’t got my walking boots or nice Scotch whisky (a must for the cold) on me at the moment either. Not that this compares to the true suffering of a beast forced to ferry rebels around Hoth, but it’s a bit sucky nonetheless.
Make your experience of the snow a little less sucky by buying yourself this Star Wars T-Shirt. You can buy it at Nachomamatees.com where it’s available for $16.99. It comes in blue and there are lots of sizes to choose from. AS for me, I shall drink some cocoa and try to stave off hypothermia. Such fun.
January 17, 2013 § Leave a comment
My morning java is an important part of my life. Until I’ve had a cup, I’m utterly useless – something that I demonstrated this morning with real flair. So, a Coffee T-Shirt, and a brief story about how my idiocy manifests first thing in the morning.
So, after showering and getting dressed, I head downstairs in my new house to go make toast and coffee. As I’m waiting for the kettle to boil, one of my new housemates comes down and we exchange the pleasant good mornings. We’ve been very polite to each other, but I sense we’re both still in the ‘I-don’t-really-know-you-yet’ stage of housematehood. That’s fine. We’re nice enough to each other and I dare say we’ll strike up more meaningful conversations one day. Anyway, we had a brief chat, made a couple of jokes and then, as she was turning on the coffee maker, she noticed my mug of instant and asked if I’d like some real coffee. I enjoy real coffee as much as the next man, but first thing in the morning, I love instant coffee. My tastebuds aren’t really awake and the freeze-dried flavour is actually a bit comforting to me. I’ve always had instant coffee first thing in the morning and I love it. Now, this is what I should have conveyed to my housemate this morning when she offered me real coffee. But my brain decided to take a holiday at that point, saying “ok vocal chords, I trust you to handle this.” and, given this free reign, my mouth came up with the sentance:
“It’s ok. I have instant love.”
…what the hell was that!? Really!!? That’s not even a sentence! That doesn’t mean anything! Thanks mouth. Thanks for that slice of erudition worthy of Wilde or Wittgenstein. It’s as if that was my mouth’s version of a ‘watch this’ moment. Instant love!? It sounds like a really bad pick up line or an advert for viagra! I apologise for the amount of exclamation marks I’m using right now, but this situation has earned more than a few of them, as has my disbelief at the fact that my mouth is that stupid. Why not “It’s ok. I love instant coffee.”? Would that have been so difficult?! Am I so dense that that is beyond me? That’s the conversational equivalent of dribbling. People who say words like that should be made to wear rubber armbands and crash helmets all day. I’m such a prat before my first cup of coffee. Dear God… Anyway, my house mate went upstairs before I could even make a joke about how retarded that sounded, and I went about my day trying to claim that the coffee made me do it.
This Coffee Made Me Do It T-Shirt comes from wordsbrand.com where it costs between $17 and $24 US. It comes in plenty of styles, colours and sizes so you’re sure to find one that fits you. And I’m going to find my mouth some sort of restraining mechanism or gag so that I don’t go around informing anyone else of my ‘instant love’. Stupid coffee…
January 17, 2013 § Leave a comment
National identity is something I’ve never really been that interested in before, and it can be a very odd concept. It can also be dangerous. That’s why it’s nice to find a company that makes T-Shirts and celebrate the best things about nations from all over the world. These International T-Shirts are an excellent way of showcasing the things that make countries from around the world fun, unique and special.
Above, I’ve picked three of my favourite countries. I love the warmth and friendliness of Canada, and I’m a fan of Ice Hockey too. I love the relaxed way of life and art of Spain, while that bull reminds me of childhood holidays. As for Scotland, well it’s my spiritual homeland, full of astounding scenery and beauty. These are just three of a wide range of tees provided by National identi-T who choose to represent the creativity and traditions of countries around the world, rather than their history or national beliefs. It’s all about looking for the fun in a country, and the things that make it singular and wonderful, and portraying that on a tee. Great idea. It’s so much better than tired old flags and sports tops. It’s subtle and friendly, rather than being about competition or shouting. And you can purchase them for a number of reasons too, as I’m finding out just thinking about it. I’ve chosen three of my favourite countries that I’ve visited before, but I could have gone for the countries that I want to go to, or the country that I came from. So many options and stunning designs too.
I discovered this charming and clever company on notonthehighstreet.com where all of the adult shirts are available for £22.50 and there are 20 countries to choose from. I think all of the designs are delightful and I’m sure you’ll enjoy them too.