Hoth T-Shirt – Where’s a Taun Taun when you need one?

January 18, 2013 § Leave a comment

Star Wars T-Shirt

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside. Quite roomy though.

Snow is falling across London at the moment, and is ruining my plans for the weekend. If only this was the ice planet, Hoth, I could relax in the familiar surroundings of Echo Base. I’ll have to settle for this Hoth T-Shirt. Well, I haven’t looked at a Star Wars tee in a while.

There are several similarities between London at the moment and Hoth. It’s snowing… well, there’s probably some other stuff too, right? But it’s the differences that stand out the most. For a start, if I get cold strolling around Kilburn, I can’t slice anything open and live inside it. It’s not that I have an objection to the activity per se, but there are very few living things in that neck of the woods that would fit me. The day they let cows graze in Queen’s Park, I’m sorted, but until then, when it snows, I’ll just have to settle for going indoors. You’ve got to feel sorry for Taun Tauns really. Not only do they live on one of the galaxy’s least hospitable planets, they have ice monsters and insensitive pirates wielding lightsabers desecrating their corpses to keep their Jedi buddies warm to worry about. I can’t imagine it’s a particularly pleasant existence. But then again, nor is mine at the moment. Not having a Taun Taun, I have to rely on a Train Train. Or even just a train. And I’m guessing that won’t be working. And my weekend plans have been cancelled due to weather. And I haven’t got my walking boots or nice Scotch whisky (a must for the cold) on me at the moment either. Not that this compares to the true suffering of a beast forced to ferry rebels around Hoth, but it’s a bit sucky nonetheless.

Make your experience of the snow a little less sucky by buying yourself this Star Wars T-Shirt. You can buy it at Nachomamatees.com where it’s available for $16.99. It comes in blue and there are lots of sizes to choose from. AS for me, I shall drink some cocoa and try to stave off hypothermia. Such fun.

 

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Coffee T-Shirt – Me and my stupid mouth.

January 17, 2013 § Leave a comment

coffee made me do it t-shirt

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons” – T.S. Eliot

My morning java is an important part of my life. Until I’ve had a cup, I’m utterly useless – something that I demonstrated this morning with real flair. So, a Coffee T-Shirt, and a brief story about how my idiocy manifests first thing in the morning.

So, after showering and getting dressed, I head downstairs in my new house to go make toast and coffee. As I’m waiting for the kettle to boil, one of my new housemates comes down and we exchange the pleasant good mornings. We’ve been very polite to each other, but I sense we’re both still in the ‘I-don’t-really-know-you-yet’ stage of housematehood. That’s fine. We’re nice enough to each other and I dare say we’ll strike up more meaningful conversations one day. Anyway, we had a brief chat, made a couple of jokes and then, as she was turning on the coffee maker, she noticed my mug of instant and asked if I’d like some real coffee. I enjoy real coffee as much as the next man, but first thing in the morning, I love instant coffee. My tastebuds aren’t really awake and the freeze-dried flavour is actually a bit comforting to me. I’ve always had instant coffee first thing in the morning and I love it. Now, this is what I should have conveyed to my housemate this morning when she offered me real coffee. But my brain decided to take a holiday at that point, saying “ok vocal chords, I trust you to handle this.” and, given this free reign, my mouth came up with the sentance:

“It’s ok. I have instant love.”

…what the hell was that!? Really!!? That’s not even a sentence! That doesn’t mean anything! Thanks mouth. Thanks for that slice of erudition worthy of Wilde or Wittgenstein. It’s as if that was my mouth’s version of a ‘watch this’ moment. Instant love!? It sounds like a really bad pick up line or an advert for viagra! I apologise for the amount of exclamation marks I’m using right now, but this situation has earned more than a few of them, as has my disbelief at the fact that my mouth is that stupid. Why not “It’s ok. I love instant coffee.”? Would that have been so difficult?! Am I so dense that that is beyond me? That’s the conversational equivalent of dribbling. People who say words like that should be made to wear rubber armbands and crash helmets all day. I’m such a prat before my first cup of coffee. Dear God… Anyway, my house mate went upstairs before I could even make a joke about how retarded that sounded, and I went about my day trying to claim that the coffee made me do it.

This Coffee Made Me Do It T-Shirt comes from wordsbrand.com where it costs between $17 and $24 US. It comes in plenty of styles, colours and sizes so you’re sure to find one that fits you. And I’m going to find my mouth some sort of restraining mechanism or gag so that I don’t go around informing anyone else of my ‘instant love’. Stupid coffee…

International T-Shirts – Meet National identi-T

January 17, 2013 § Leave a comment

Country T-Shirts

From left to right: Canada, Spain, Scotland.

National identity is something I’ve never really been that interested in before, and it can be a very odd concept. It can also be dangerous. That’s why it’s nice to find a company that makes T-Shirts and celebrate the best things about nations from all over the world. These International T-Shirts are an excellent way of showcasing the things that make countries from around the world fun, unique and special.

Above, I’ve picked three of my favourite countries. I love the warmth and friendliness of Canada, and I’m a fan of Ice Hockey too. I love the relaxed way of life and art of Spain, while that bull reminds me of childhood holidays. As for Scotland, well it’s my spiritual homeland, full of astounding scenery and beauty. These are just three of a wide range of tees provided by National identi-T who choose to represent the creativity and traditions of countries around the world, rather than their history or national beliefs. It’s all about looking for the fun in a country, and the things that make it singular and wonderful, and portraying that on a tee. Great idea. It’s so much better than tired old flags and sports tops. It’s subtle and friendly, rather than being about competition or shouting. And you can purchase them for a number of reasons too, as I’m finding out just thinking about it. I’ve chosen three of my favourite countries that I’ve visited before, but I could have gone for the countries that I want to go to, or the country that I came from. So many options and stunning designs too.

I discovered this charming and clever company on notonthehighstreet.com where all of the adult shirts are available for £22.50 and there are 20 countries to choose from. I think all of the designs are delightful and I’m sure you’ll enjoy them too.

 

Potato T-Shirt – The jacket’s off and the chips are down.

January 16, 2013 § Leave a comment

Potato T-Shirt

Potato wedgie! Get it?

Ah, the humble potato. Long have I been an ardent fan of this marvellous vegetable. So I have been searching the internet for this Potato T-Shirt – a fair monument to the saviour of mankind’s meal times that is the simple spud.

I had a jacket potato for lunch today. That made me think about just how much we owe to this type of veg. It’s not a looker, is it? Never could this lumpy, brown little mud-dweller compete withe the majesty of an artichoke or an aubergine, but its wonder lies in its versatility and flavour. Some people say that potatoes are flavourless, but to those of us with a more delicate palate, its subtle taste is heaven. And that versatility! Chips, crisps, fries, roasties, new, baby new, jackets, mash, dauphinoise, sauté… the list goes on. I’ve even sampled a potato-based pizza! The wonders never cease. We can therefore forgive its homely looks, and instead praise it for what’s on the inside, and what it has the ability to become. If only people would do the same with me, I’d be the happiest man on the planet. Then, just when you don’t think the potato could possibly get any better, the chimps at  2smartmonkeys.com add a pun to the mix. Well that’s just glorious. A potato wedgie. That’s the sort of cleverness that civilisations are built on.

So, head over to 2smartmonkeys.com and grab your own. It will cost you £17.00, comes in black and two shades of grey, and it comes in the standard array of sizes. Give praise to the potato – if any food stuff has earned your admiration, surely it must be the spud.

 

Zapp Brannigan T-Shirt – The Velour Fog

January 15, 2013 § Leave a comment

Futurama T-Shirt

“Kif! I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!” – Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan is a character that I can quote verbatim over and over again, and laugh at myself doing it. Therefore, I want a Zapp Brannigan T-Shirt. I wonder if it’s in any way like Brannigan’s Love…?

Yes, this is another one of those posts that could just be me writing loads of quotes and giggling as I do it. The Zappster is, after all, a very quotable character. He’s used sparingly on the show, but this just means that when he does make an appearance, it is enjoyed even more. Billy West chose the perfect voice for him – sleazy and pompous – and the writing team really pull out all of the stops when it comes to giving him hilarious and masterly lines. And to top it all off, they gave him Kif – his squidgy, green alien adjutant whose groan can be heard whenever Zapp is around. For every grin of triumph or sly look from Zapp, there is weary groan from Kif, just to accentuate those punchlines. When Zapp said “If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.” It was the groan that followed, accompanied by Kif’s look of resigned despair that made it just a little bit funnier. I’m eagerly awaiting the release of the new season on DVD – coming soon hopefully! In the meantime, I shall just keep chuckling to myself whenever I think of perhaps the funniest character on the show.

So celebrate 31st century’s most powerful idiot, and the only known sufferer of Sexlexia, by picking up this Futurama T-Shirt. It comes from Blahblahtshirts.com, costs £11.33, comes in loads of sizes and the colour black. Alas, it’s 100% cotton and not velour, but there’s still plenty of places to pin the medals you make for yourself. Now you just need to build yourself a Lovenasium and you’ll be as popular as Zapp. Get to it!

 

Reading T-Shirt – Damn sexy.

January 15, 2013 § Leave a comment

Reading Is Sexy T-Shirt

So, read any good books lately? *winks*

Reading is sexy. Once you get past the age of finding haircuts and trainers sexy, reading is the next step up. So I found a very apt, Reading T-Shirt. But I do have a problem, and the problem is Reading. The town, not the activity.

So, there is a town in the UK called Reading (but pronounced ‘Redding’) and it’s pretty awful. How do I know? I used to live there. Thankfully it was only a brief stay, but it really is a wretched, horrible place. Sorry, if you’re from that neck of Berkshire, but it’s true. There are maybe two good shops, three good pubs and then the rest of it is a cross between a dump, the zombie apocalypse, a dystopian future and a small turd. Not a nice place by any stretch of the imagination. Which is a shame, because reading, the activity, is one of my most favourite things ever. I get lost in books and I actually feel comforted when they surround me. I can almost hear the words on the pages yearning to be read by me, and that makes me feel very special. In contrast, being surrounded by Reading makes me feel nauseated and threatened. Why must they be spelled the same? It’s not fair. It’s like if the word ‘Beautiful’ meant ‘beautiful’, but also meant ‘diseased sexual predator’ (and there’s more than a few of those in Reading too). It’s not fair. Not fair at all. Anyway, enjoy reading, because it is sexy and any woman who reads often, regularly and studies a variety of texts immediately is lifted in my estimations.

This Reading Is Sexy T-Shirt is £16.85 and comes from Spreadshirt.co.uk. It comes in loads of colours, sizes range from small to XXL and it’s a great design. And it’s true. Unless you’re talking about the town. Uuurrrggghhh…

 

Eye T-Shirt – I can be really stupid sometimes.

January 14, 2013 § Leave a comment

Eye T-Shirt

That’s one in the eye.

Ever do something so stupid you can’t actually believe you’ve done it? Every now and again, I do just such a stupid thing and that’s why I’ve found this Eye T-Shirt. Allow me to explain…

It’s January, and that means a long month when it comes to money. Recovering from Christmas and having a really long month to get through means spending some time indoors, eating cheap soup and bread and enjoying all the free entertainment you can get. I’m broke as a joke, boracic lint and very much potless, so I had a quiet weekend. I did very little and barely left the house in an effort to not venture too deep into the depths of my overdraft. I did some painting to help pass the time and as well as nerding it up with those Grey Knights I mentioned a few posts prior to the this one, I also started on a new canvas. It’s nice to get the acrylics out and dab, scrape and brush away. Makes me very happy anyway. So, there I am, doing some fine detail work on the picture, hunched over so that my face is right over my brush. Then I lean in to take a closer look at the strokes, not remembering to take the brush out of the way before I do so. The thin wooden shaft went straight into my eye, or rather just to the side of the eyeball but still into the squishy area. Painful? Yes. Unpleasant? Certainly. A stupid, dumb-ass, idiotic thing to do? You know it was. How am I that special that I can even do that to myself?! I’ve done several particularly ludicrously dopey things in my time, and this is up there in my top 3. So this morning, my eye was swollen, slightly bruised and a bit blurry, but I’ll recover from the discomfort. The embarrassment may take longer to get over.

Anyway, my ridiculousness aside, this very fitting tee is brought to you by Toy Machine and you can get hold of it at tumyeto.com. It costs $19.00, comes in Charcoal (I think there’s a black version too), and sizes available include S, L and XL. I’m going to go and take some more painkillers and hope that my swelling goes down.

 

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