Face Hugger T-Shirt – Parasitic benefits

April 2, 2013 § Leave a comment

Alien T-Shirt

How can you resist that darling little thing?


One of the most iconic and cringeworthy moments in all of horror came from something with the name “Face Hugger”. Ok, so it’s a slimy, arachnoid alien that takes over your body by mouth-raping you with its insides as it chokes you with its tail, but this Face Hugger T-Shirt could teach me some lessons.

What could I possibly learn from the face hugger? Well, dieting tips for one thing. As it’s clasped onto your ‘boat’ (that’s cockney-rhyming-slang for face for the uneducated amongst you – face=boat race=boat) it’s feeding you and keeping you alive. Just as people used to swallow a single male tape worm in a pill to lose weight (no, they actually did), I wouldn’t mind spending a bit of time with a face hugger. Obviously, the whole thing about it laying an egg in your chest that ends up killing you would not be ideal, but scientists have been messing with the dna of insects for years so hopefully it wouldn’t be too hard to make it sterile. Therefore, it just clamps onto your face, controls your eating habits for a set period of time, and then it falls off. Done. As it is, with out the aid of fictional (or so they say) alien parasites, my diet is not going so well. I’m having weekends off, and seeing as that was just a four day weekend, I’m still pretty stuffed. With fat and self-loathing. So, the sooner we can create a sterile larval alien, the better. Either that, or I go for another run this evening. Whatever’s easiest, I guess.

You can get this Alien T-Shirt from Fivefingertees.com where it costs just $7.99. It comes in both men’s and women’s styles with lots of sizes and colours to choose from. And hugging is good for everybody. Human contact is healthy. If only I were healthy…


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