Huckleberry Finn T-Shirt – Want to be gone fishin’

May 13, 2013 § Leave a comment

Huckleberry Finn T-Shirt

“The average man don’t like trouble and danger” – Mark Twain

Huck Finn is a bit of an old hero of mine. However, though I like the idea of floating down a broad river, fishing for my supper, I have a couple of issues with that. Ergo, here is a Huckleberry Finn T-Shirt.

As mentioned above, I like the idea of my rod dangling over the side of a boat (as the bishop said to the actress, etc) but I know that it just isn’t going to happen. Firstly, I can’t fish. I have tried several times and I know that it’s not for me. I’ve been nearly drowned, I’ve cut my digital artery on a swiss army knife (that was a fun trip to the doctor’s) and generally, I’ve had quite a miserable time. And aside from some minnows in a lemonade bottle, I’ve never caught anything. Between my father and some friends who are serious fisherman, I have studied under many and always come up short. Therefore, I can say without doubt, that Fishing is not for me. The other part of the problem of fishing for my supper is that I don’t like fish. Apart from the occasional scampy and the odd lobster, seafood appeals to me about as much as someone inserting a syringe of flesh-eating bacteria into my genitals. The smell of tuna makes me gag, and the sight of cod is more than off-putting. So it wouldn’t work. At all. Ever. And yet, I genuinely long for it. Or at least the idea of it. I have wept with longing and implored the heavens to give me the ability to disappear into the realm of endless days and quiet skies. I have worked and studied to find a route to it all, and yet there is none that will do, and so, it seems, it is at an end. My days of dreaming are sunk, gone down to the gloomy depths where the greatest myths and legends swim away into the dark oblivion of memory. It is all over, bar the shouting.

But, at least I can where a nice t-shirt, right? Well, this one was found at Fab.com where it currently costs $22 (reduced from $32 at the time of writing). It comes in green, it comes in sizes S, XL and 2XL, and was created by the brand Mojoware. So keep fishing, folks.

 

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Alice In Wonderland T-Shirt – Getting Lost

April 16, 2013 § Leave a comment

Alice In Wonderland T-Shirt

I’m Late! I’m Late! I’m Late!

A little while ago, you’ll remember that I looked at a Cheshire Cat shirt, which got me thinking about the whole Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass thing. And some minor gripes I have with it. As I ramble on about that for a while, here’s an Alice In Wonderland T-Shirt for you to enjoy.

Do you know what I’d do if I saw a fully-clothed, talking rabbit run down into its hole? I’d go home, build a cage, catch the little sod the next day and make millions in the show business world. The last thing I would do, even if I were small enough to do so, is scramble down the rabbit hole after him. That’s just idiotic. Alice got what she deserved as far as I’m concerned. I enjoyed these books when I read them many years ago, but I always had a few questions regarding certain aspects of the plot. Enough of it weirded me out that by the time I got to the caterpillar, I’d have bought half an ounce off him and just got stoned. Who wants to run around in that nightmare? It would have made the Mad Hatter’s tea party a darn sight more bearable too. As for my aforementioned favourite character, the Cheshire Cat, he seems like the most normal person in Wonderland. …I jest of course, but despite how much I enjoy these books, I still like to think that I might have done one or two things differently to Alice. And I’d probably have never left – why would you? All the oysters, tea, caterpillar dope, drunk mice and talking cats you could ever want. I still think I’d have caught that damn rabbit though.

I discovered this delightful ladies Wonderland T-Shirt at notonthehighstreet.com. It was created by Not For Ponies, costs £25, comes in grey with sizes ranging from small to large. So, ladies, if you’re a fan of the Alice books, this should be the perfect tee for you. Enjoy!

 

Cheshire Cat T-Shirt – We’re All Mad Here…

March 18, 2013 § 1 Comment

Alice In Wonderland T-Shirt

Still curious and willing to learn.

Every now and again, I think of this particular character with great fondness, and so today, I have a Cheshire Cat T-Shirt for you. And an original one at that. Because we all tumble down the rabbit hole from time to time.

I remember being read Lewis Carroll’s books when I was a child, and the one character I always found the most amusing, interesting and appealing was the Cheshire Cat. It might even have something to do with why I like cats so much now. He’s interesting because he’s mad and he knows it. That should mean that he’s not mad at all, but he almost certainly is. Films have never quite captured his lucid delusions and indecipherable truths, but I think the Tim Burton film got the voice right – Stephen Fry’s soft, slightly lazy and uninterested tones were pretty much spot on. But the look wasn’t quite dark and terrifying enough for me. When you’re a kid, Carroll’s books have a real element of fear, but it’s the sort of fear that children genuinely enjoy, because you’re comfortable enough with the principle that good will win in the end and therefore you can enjoy all the scary stuff until that happens. When I was a child, the Cheshire Cat was not monstrous, or comical, but dark. He was teeth in the darkness and you got the sense that he really deserved his own book. How did he become? By far the most interesting of the characters in Alice in Wonderland, he didn’t get nearly enough attention. But then maybe that’s part of his mystery, and his madness.

This Alice In Wonderland T-Shirt gets the look almost spot-on in my mind. Brooding, slightly sinister, mad and yet, funny too – an excellent design. Alas, this tee is only for women so I won’t be wearing it myself. It comes from grindstore.com and costs £19.99, comes only in black and sizes range from small to XL. Enjoy the madness, whether you’re purring or growling.

 

Reading T-Shirt – Damn sexy.

January 15, 2013 § Leave a comment

Reading Is Sexy T-Shirt

So, read any good books lately? *winks*

Reading is sexy. Once you get past the age of finding haircuts and trainers sexy, reading is the next step up. So I found a very apt, Reading T-Shirt. But I do have a problem, and the problem is Reading. The town, not the activity.

So, there is a town in the UK called Reading (but pronounced ‘Redding’) and it’s pretty awful. How do I know? I used to live there. Thankfully it was only a brief stay, but it really is a wretched, horrible place. Sorry, if you’re from that neck of Berkshire, but it’s true. There are maybe two good shops, three good pubs and then the rest of it is a cross between a dump, the zombie apocalypse, a dystopian future and a small turd. Not a nice place by any stretch of the imagination. Which is a shame, because reading, the activity, is one of my most favourite things ever. I get lost in books and I actually feel comforted when they surround me. I can almost hear the words on the pages yearning to be read by me, and that makes me feel very special. In contrast, being surrounded by Reading makes me feel nauseated and threatened. Why must they be spelled the same? It’s not fair. It’s like if the word ‘Beautiful’ meant ‘beautiful’, but also meant ‘diseased sexual predator’ (and there’s more than a few of those in Reading too). It’s not fair. Not fair at all. Anyway, enjoy reading, because it is sexy and any woman who reads often, regularly and studies a variety of texts immediately is lifted in my estimations.

This Reading Is Sexy T-Shirt is £16.85 and comes from Spreadshirt.co.uk. It comes in loads of colours, sizes range from small to XXL and it’s a great design. And it’s true. Unless you’re talking about the town. Uuurrrggghhh…

 

Gonzo T-Shirt – Hunter was my hero.

January 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

Hunter S. Thompson T-Shirt

“Buy the ticket, take the ride.” – Hunter S. Thompson

When I finished reading my first Hunter S. book, I immediately bought my second. And then my third. I don’t think there’s much left of his work that I haven’t read. And there are few men who I admire more, so a Gonzo T-Shirt is most fitting. Let me tell you why he’s my hero.

Over a decade ago now, I read Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas. It was a big deal in my literary history as I discovered a very different way to write a book – to experience a book. As he drove through Bat Country, and walked through the halls of the hotel filled with grapefruit and lizards, his words (coupled with Ralph Steadman’s amazing illustrations) had me feeling as drugged up and tuned in as he was himself. Then the fear of Hell’s Angels and the heat of The Rum Diary. I was hooked. And then I started to read more about the man. Kingdom Of Fear is still a secret favourite of mine. It’s hilarious, terrifying and it’s quite hard to believe that it actually happened. He had his own agenda that was wholly his own, and his own style that, again, was unique to him. I even admire the reasons for his suicide in a weird way. Not wanting to become another relic of literature, being trotted out for long articles in Playboy or opinions on fellow authors who had passed, he went out with a bang. He chose his own fate. I never thought I could admire someone who killed themselves, but his death was on his own terms, in his control and it was his way of writing the final page and not giving a damn about what anyone thought of it. Thompson’s greatest achievement is his Gonzo journalism, and the symbol of the two-thumbed fist will, to me, will always be a sign of his original, magnificent writing talent.

So, if you’re a fan of Gonzo like what I am, make sure you grab this Hunter S. Thompson T-Shirt for yourself. It can be found at oldskoolhooligans.com where it costs just £11.99. It comes in red and sizes range from S-XXL. And I shall close with one of my favourite Hunter S. quotes: “I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

 

The Shining T-Shirt – Heading to a hotel this winter?

December 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

Overlook Hotel T-shirt

All work and no play make John (that’s me) a dull boy…

While I’m waiting for my new room in my new house to open up, I’m staying at a hotel in Earls Court for the week. It’s not exactly the Overlook Hotel, and I’m a little disappointed about that. Still, The Shining T-Shirt helps me make-believe a little.

There are several important differences between rural, snow-bound Colorado and wet, rainy London, but that’s no excuse. The hotel I booked, while pleasant enough, is not exactly an exciting place. It’s more one of those faceless, pastel-coloured, soulless places, devoid of flavour or interest. For example, when I walk down the hallway, I’m almost never confronted by creepy twins wanting me to play with them for ever and ever. Not once have I felt the pounding of a fire axe on the door of my room. Instead of the above, I occasionally run into a businessman who nods an unfeeling and unenthusiastic hello. And no-one’s even given my door a gentle tap (more’s the pity). I can’t run through snow-drifts outside either. All that’s outside my hotel’s front door are a couple of tramps and a park that always seems to be locked. However, I will say that if you’re staying in London, Earls Court is an excellent place to base yourself. Great transport links, good shops/pubs and beautiful scenery all over the place. There’s even a Tardis outside the station. And the best thing about it, for me at least, is that by staying there, I don’t have to deal with the arctic cold and crippling depression of Twyford Station at 7am. Now that drives you mental!

Anyway, The Shining is another great Christmas movie (kind of) and therefore this Overlook Hotel T-shirt makes for excellent festive attire. It can be found at 8ball.co.uk where it costs just £15.99, comes in four colours and sizes go from small to 3XL. Letoh. Letoh. Letoh…

 

Bokononist T-Shirt – Busy, busy, busy.

November 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

cat's cradle t-shirt

“There is love enough in this world for everybody, if people will just look.”

If you’ve not read Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, you need to. Everyone should read that book, if only to learn about the wonderful idea that is Bokononism. To help you out, here’d a Bokononist T-Shirt. Now put your feet up…

It’s great when you can find a t-shirt that represents something you really enjoy, and I enjoyed this book. A lot. So much so, that I’m thinking about adopting the fictional religion that is Bokononism as my own. As strange as that sounds, I’ve been a non-practising Jedi for years, but I digress. The basis of the religion is lies, but not the big destructive lies. Instead, it’s all about the little lies that make existence bearable. I like that idea. The big things, like the meaning of life and the nature of the universe don’t matter very much on a day-to-day basis, but the little untruths we tell ourselves every day mean a lot. And if you do start to think about the complicated bits, just whisper “busy, busy, busy” and forget about it. And it’s got lots of fun silly words too. If I were to say “Don’t deny your Zah-mah-ki-bo by joining a granfalloon, but instead find your true karass” I wouldn’t be talking like a Stuppa at all. And the supreme act of worship in this religion is to sit down on the floor, lift your feet into the air and place them against the feet of someone else. This is call boko-maru, and it will tell you all you need to know about everything that’s important about the other person. That’s why this tee has a nice footprint on it.

Anyway, read the book and you’ll probably want to be a bokononist too. There’s no official or ceremonial garb, but this Cat’s Cradle T-Shirt will do splendidly for casual wear. You can grab it at cafepress.com for $27 at the moment. There are eight colours and sizes go from Small to 3XL. And remember to “live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy”.

 

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