May 28, 2013 § 1 Comment
I’ve always avoided the big animal-face t-shirts on principle. The design is a little lazy, and I always thought they were for those obsessive dog-lovers who can’t stop talking about their pooch. Then I found this Orang Utan T-Shirt and, for the first time, I really want one. Here’s why:
I’m sure I’ve talked before here about my love for Orang Utans, but I’m more than happy to wax lyrical about my favourite apes once more. Those persons of the forest from the genus Pongo are just so awesome. Despite having the strength to rip a man’s arms from their sockets, and a bite strong enough to crunch bone, they are stoic, peaceful creatures at heart (by and large) who rarely raise a hand to anything (unless it really pisses them off). As well as being gentle in that respect, they are also, due to their incredible motor skills and dexterity, gentle when it comes to their quiet examination of the world around them. They are clever, peaceful and amazing animals and we, as humans, should be very proud to call them our cousins. In fact, before you do anything else, why not pledge a bit of cash to help save their endangered habitats by checking out this website right here. I suppose I’m also drawn to these great apes due to the fact that I really do resemble one myself. On the physical side, I have reddish hair, a big mouth, unnaturally strong limbs and a bit of a belly. In terms of temperament, I rarely use my strength, and I prefer a quiet existence of isolation, looking down on the ever-changing world around me (well, I’ve learnt that this is my best option). Oh, to be an Orang Utan.
To buy this Animal Face T-Shirt featuring the outlandishly handsome Orang Utan, I suggest you get yourself over to Firebox.com where this specimen will set you back just £19.99. It comes in sizes small to XL, and comes in brown. Ook.
May 1, 2013 § Leave a comment
Dinosaurs and puns are two of my favourite subjects, and this Banana-Saurus Rex T-Shirt combines both. The only problem is adding the fruit and vegetables, which are two of my least favourite things. Blurgh.
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Fascinated to the point of being a bit of an expert and decidedly destined to grow into a palaeontologist. Somehow, along the way, that dream died, or at least was replaced with various other dreams as I hit my teens – none of which are probably appropriate for this blog. Then, when I grew older, I invented this fun game. When you’re walking down a road or in the country, just imagine, at any given point in your strolling or meandering, that you are suddenly confronted by a T-Rex, say 50 metres/yards in front of you. What would you do? Should you stand still, hope it goes for someone else, run, or hide? Can you scramble up that bank, break into that house, dive down that path or alleyway? What is your best option for survival? And when you’re done with that, you can then try it with something like a lion or tiger or whatever (presents slightly different challenges). Trust me, I know it sounds silly, but it’s oddly addictive and it can really break up long walks. So, that’s the dino aspect of this tee covered – now for the fruit. I distrust fruit. And vegetables. There’s something sinister about them. Ok, people claim they’re all about distributing seeds, but I’m not buying it. I think it’s a secret plot by the plants to overthrow us somehow. I haven’t worked out the exact details yet, but if I don’t, there’s a chance we’ll realise only too late how evil they are…
Anyway, this splendid Dinosaur T-Shirt was found on Uncovet.com where it costs $25.00. It is available in brown, and sizes range from small to XXL, so whether you’re a raptor or a rex, you’ll be able to get the right size. As for all the punning, long may it continue. Pun on, gentlepeople, pun on.
February 6, 2013 § Leave a comment
Zombieland was a real treat when it came out, and it’s a shame that it’s taken me this long to look at a Zombieland T-Shirt. However it’s a treat to know that there may be a sequel is on the way (nothing confirmed yet but hopes remain high), and it’s good to remember some of those rules.
There are plenty of awesome bits in the movie. Everything with B.M. *winks at those in the know* for a start. I’m also a particular fan of Tallahassee walking into a Zombie-filled market in the sticks, wielding garden shears and playing a banjo. There are too many good bits to name and lots of potential Zombie Kills of the Week. The rules are my favourite though, and although the Double Tap (Rule #4) is a show-stealer, it’s Rule #32 that we all need to listen to a little more. I’ve been a bit gloomy of late, and though all the wounds aren’t healed, I’m getting there. And I’ve been enjoying the little things a bit more. For example, each night after work, rather than trudging off home, squeezing onto a packed train and going back to bad food and the company of my computer, I’ve been changing my routine. I go to a bar, order a pint of good beer, and get my sketchbook out. I just sit, for an hour or so, drawing. And it’s great. Rather than have all my neuroses spilling out all over the place, they get channelled into my pens. I’m good at drawing, and a chronic doodler, so it has helped a lot. Not that there’d be much of a chance of drawing and a leisurely pint in Zombieland. Oh well. That’s the thing about little pleasures. There are plenty of them.
This Enjoy The Little Things T-Shirt is available from Spreadshirt.com where it costs $22.70. Sizes range from small to XXL and there are loads of colours available. I really hope they make a sequel to this film. Although the whole Twinkie thing is now a bit of a continuity nightmare…
January 23, 2013 § Leave a comment
If you want to be a loveable rogue, you could do worse than model yourself on Remy LeBeau, alias Gambit from the X-Men. I shall illustrate why below, but just take a moment to check out this Gambit T-Shirt. Tres Bon.
For all the hype about Wolverine (who is undoubtably cool), the prize for the coolest of all X-Men undoubtably goes to Gambit. He’s mysterious, he has glowing red eyes, was part of a thieves guild in New Orleans and can turn potential energy into kinetic energy (we think Stan Lee had a flash back to a school science lesson just before he dreamed this character up). Armed with a deck of cards and anything else he can get his hands on, he can pretty much blow anything he wants up. And to top it off, when the really old school X-Men cartoon first appeared, we found out that he sounded like Pepe Le Pew on dope. There’s also the mystery surrounding his future (which isn’t really a mystery any more but it used to be). Follow his story in the comic books and you’ll see why. Very cool. Also, he’s a bit of a player and uses the classic combination of French accent and dark-and-mysterious demeanour to get plenty of girls, including Rogue. So not only is he a loveable rogue, but he has a loveable Rogue too. Clever.
This X-Men T-Shirt is brought to you by thinkgeek.com where it costs between $19.99 and $21.99. Sizes range between small and XXXL and it only comes in what they call ‘chestnut’. Be the coolest Cajun that you can be.
November 30, 2012 § Leave a comment
As today is the last day of Movember, I’m already starting to grow my beard back (it’s been darn cold without it) and I thought we ought to take a look at another Mo Shirt – this time, a Ladies Moustache T-Shirt.
It’s been an interesting month. As already covered, it’s been chilly without the normal (almost excessive) level of face fuzz. Instead, I’ve been sporting a lip-slug only. Some look at it with envy, others with confusion, but very few with derision. It has received compliments about its bushiness and pleasing lines, and, most importantly, it’s raised some dosh to help fight the twin horrors that are prostate and testicular cancer. The way I see it, the more I do to raise the money now, the less likely it will be that in 30 years I’ll have the cold hands of a strange doctor probing areas I’d rather he or she weren’t probing. If I suffer the slightest touch of facial hypothermia now, I’ll keep foreign hands away from my foreign parts in the distant future. Sounds like a darn good deal to me. And I’m betting that anyone suffering from these man-cancers today would tell you it’s a good deal too. If you want to help out a bit, and fight the good fight against your own potentially-unruly organs, you can still donate. Just go to movember.com and donate what you can afford. Say “Yes”, or in the case of this fine looking t-shirt, “Oui” to Movember, and “Non!” to cancer.
This is a t-shirt for women, and I wanted to include this because so many Mo Bros have been supported by Mo Sistas this year. On behalf of all men: ladies, thank you. You can grab this fun and striking t-shirt from notonthehighstreet.com. It has been brought to you by Not For Ponies and comes in four women’s sizes (I have no idea what they mean – unless it’s S to XL, I have no clue). To all taking part in Movember – well done!
November 19, 2012 § Leave a comment
Don’t ever say boo to a moose. Ever. It’s not worth it. Take it from someone who knows. And, in order to remember it, I suggest your frequently don this Moose T-Shirt. Also, it looks awesome.
If someone tries to correct you by saying “No, no, no, silly person, it’s not a ‘moose’, but a ‘goose’ that one should never say boo too” you are allowed to kick them in the shins and stick your tongue out at them. Your basic goose is a slightly chunkier duck with a speech-impediment. Not really much to be scared of there. Whereas a moose is a “deer” on steroids with about half the brains and none of the deodorant. If you go up to one later today and say “boo”, don’t say I didn’t warn you. At best you shall receive a stern admonishment. At worst, you’ll be deaded. In order to keep up the level of public service that this site is renowned for, here are other words that should not be uttered in the presence of, or to, other animals:
• Never say “howdy” to an otter.
• Never say “arithmetic” to a cobra.
• Never finish a sentence with a preposition in front of a lemur.
• Never say “ocelot” to a barnacle (or visa versa)
• Never say “cranberry” to a heron – for this is the deadliest of all.
Remember these simple rules, and nature will do you no ills.
The other way to avoid these problems is to wear this rather charming t-shirt. The design is gentle and humorous, and the colours work perfectly together, especially for autumn. It was designed by Simon Mills for Mild West Heroes and I discovered it on notonthehighstreet.com. It comes in this chocolatey colour and sizes go from S-XL. And remember the old adage “People who live in rural Canada shouldn’t read ghost stories aloud”. Be warned.
September 17, 2012 § Leave a comment
I came across this Octopus T-Shirt, aptly titled ‘OCTOBAND’ and instantly smiled, and not just because it gave me an excuse to think up mollusc-themed band-name puns.
This octopus, whose name comes from the latin ‘octo’, meaning ‘eight’ and ‘pus’, meaning ‘cat’ (wait, I don’t think that’s right…), represents a few things that are, oddly, very human. Firstly, it shows off a grim yet wacky sense of humour. After all, it is an octopus one-“man”-band that just happens to be holding the severed limbs of the instruments’ former players in its tentacles while wearing a rather menacing expression. Secondly, it highlights some people’s ability to create something unique and unusual that only they could have thought of. This tee has been skilfully created by the talented designer/illustrator SEPR and only he could have created this image. It’s an image that, as I mentioned, made me smile, and that’s a pretty cool thing to do. But when you leave all of that philosophical crap behind, what you’re left with is an awesome looking t-shirt that I, for one, would quite like to get my hands (or tentacles) on.
And how might I do that? Well, this stylish squid can be found at Spunky.co.uk where it’ll set you back just £24.99. It only comes in ‘chocolate’ (imagine if it actually did come in chocolate – messy but tasty) and there are sizes ranging from medium to XXL. Did you know that octopi can pretend to be coconuts? True story…
September 14, 2012 § Leave a comment
This Piranha Plants T-Shirt not only reminds me of the years I’ve spent in the company of a moustachioed Italian plumber, but it also looks really cool too.
I feel I know Mario quite well. Very well actually. In fact, I’m a bit annoyed that he doesn’t send me a Christmas card each year. I’ve gone driving with him, rescued him from monsters, helped him prescribe drugs and even played tennis with him. I know all the members of his family and I even helped him pull Princess Peach on multiple occasions. But of all the tasks that I have helped him with, the one that I failed at so often, was dealing with these plants. As shrubbery goes, there is no more villainous, devious and horrid lump of teeth-bearing vegetation than the piranha plant. It’s always been pretty low in the pecking order of Mario’s enemies, and they shouldn’t be that hard to deal with, but no matter how many times you play it, once in a while you’ll mistime your jump and get bitten in the backside by one of these evil buds. A frustration that I shall always have to live with I guess, but on the plus side, I can now sport this rather dashing t-shirt to remind me of the perils. It is beautifully designed and far more subtle than seeing Mario’s beaming grin all over your chest. I will happily slay koopa troopas and goombas in their thousands, but there is no weed-killer strong enough…
I stumbled across this Super Mario T-Shirt at crazydogshirts.com where it’ll set you back $15.19 at the moment (it’s reduced from $18.99 at the time of writing this post). Men’s and women’s styles both go from sizes S-2XL, while 3XL and 4XL are also available for the blokes, and it only comes in this subtle light brown. So eat some mushrooms, jump on some turtles and pass the pruning shears.
August 22, 2012 § Leave a comment
I love this Peacock Envy T-Shirt. It incorporates a great design, a wicked pun and the word ‘peacock’ still makes my inner child giggle.
This t-shirt really got me thinking. Having a peacock tail would be awesome. It got me thinking about how I could genetically alter my own DNA to give me a peacock’s tail, but then I realised that that probably wouldn’t be financially viable. I then considered hiding a peacock down the back of my trousers but those beaks look pretty sharp and it’s not really worth the risk in terms of proximity to delicate things. Basically, it’s not going to happen. I could make one out of pipe-cleaners and tissue paper but it’d look rubbish. So, if I want a peacock tail, this tee will have to do. Thankfully, I absolutely love this design. It’s a beautifully done illustration that uses a great colour pallet and it conveys the concept perfectly. A fine looking bird indeed.
This comes to you from Kleeve.com which is a great independent site that showcases the talents of a very talented t-shirt designer. This particular T-Shirt will cost you $22.00 and comes in sizes from Small to XXL. It only comes in this tan colour but I think it fits the design perfectly, and there’s a women’s version too. If nothing else, it’s bound to be a lot more comfortable than having a live peacock shoved down your trousers.