Bananaman T-Shirt – Have a banana.

I’m going bananas.

I was in the pub not long ago, and some child (they were about 24 – I feel old) didn’t know who Bananaman was. I felt shocked, saddened, slightly disturbed and a little tipsy (well, I was in the pub). So, to educate the youngsters, here’s a Bananaman T-Shirt.

Now, I should point out that I’m talking about the TV series. Bananaman first appeared in Nutty (and the then the Beano and Dandy) as a comic strip, but that was before my time (sort of – not really). Back then, the main character was called Eric Wimp. In the TV show, voiced almost entirely by The Goodies, Bananaman’s alter ego was Eric Twinge. And he was awesome. Like a cross between Popeye, Superman and a person who really like Bananas. Eric lived at 29 Acacia Road and whenever he ate a banana, he became the eponymous hero. His ‘Olive Oil/Lois Lane/Girl who also really likes bananas’ was Fiona, a newsreader who often covered his adventures. He battled the Masterminds of Evil like Appleman, General Blight and Dr Gloom, and the terrifying Heavy Mob. And he always won because he’s a superhero and that’s what superheroes do. Laced with more British comedy than a bun fight in an East London pub full of Benny Hill and Carry On cast-members, it was a terrific show and one that still stands up to being entertaining, even when you’re an adult like what I am now. And the theme song was great too. Basically, if you grew up without Bananaman in your life, you had a bad childhood. Sorry, but you did.

This great-looking t-shirt is brought to you by Missimo.com where alas, it only comes in small (what about us huskier Bananaman fans!?). It’s got a red base and costs just £16.00, and I think it looks great. So eat a banana – you never know what will happen…

 

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Captain Britain T-Shirt – Time to become Brian Braddock

If I’m going to fit into that costume, there’s work to be done. Lots of it.

One of my all time favourite comic book heroes, Captain Britain is a great character, and not just a UK clone of Captain America as many people think. So, to educate you, and to inspire myself a little, I’ve found a Captain Britain T-Shirt for you.

I first came across the character of Brian Braddock, aka Captain Britain in eXcalibur many years ago, as he was heading up the British/European version of the X-Men. He had a lot of the traditional superhero traits. He was tough, could lift 100 tons and fly, but he could also be a bit of a laugh – see his battle with The Juggernaut to witness a very British sense of humour. He’s Psylocke’s brother, he roomed with Spiderman at college, and was given some of his powers by Merlin (yes, that Merlin). He also had help from the writing of Alan Moore at one point which really developed his character and made him unique. That’s why I liked him – I could identify more with him than almost any other mutant or superhero. With all of that in mind, my best mate and I did once pledge to go to Comic Con dressed as Judge Dredd (him) and Captain Britain (me), and I’d like to be able to do that. Why can’t I? Well, I done got pretty fat over the last couple of years. I’ve got a bad diet and I ain’t exercising nearly as much as I should these days. All of that has to change. So I’m using the Captain Britain idea to inspire me a bit. By July, even if I don’t head to San Diego, I want to be able to pull on a costume like his and look good. That means eating greens and not much of anything else, going for a few runs and pumping some iron. That starts now. Watch this space, and feel free to shout a bit of encouragement at me.

So, to inspire me, I shall be grabbing a Captain Britain Tee. I found this one at superherohaven.com, but I’m going to have to wait because it’s out of stock everywhere I looked. This one comes in grey and is £17.99. Well, maybe when it comes back in stock, I’ll be able to order a large instead of an extra large. That’s the goal anyway.

 

Gambit T-Shirt – More X-Men, Mon Cher.

Cajun cool and mutant awesomeness in one.

If you want to be a loveable rogue, you could do worse than model yourself on Remy LeBeau, alias Gambit from the X-Men. I shall illustrate why below, but just take a moment to check out this Gambit T-Shirt. Tres Bon.

For all the hype about Wolverine (who is undoubtably cool), the prize for the coolest of all X-Men undoubtably goes to Gambit. He’s mysterious, he has glowing red eyes, was part of a thieves guild in New Orleans and can turn potential energy into kinetic energy (we think Stan Lee had a flash back to a school science lesson just before he dreamed this character up). Armed with a deck of cards and anything else he can get his hands on, he can pretty much blow anything he wants up. And to top it off, when the really old school X-Men cartoon first appeared, we found out that he sounded like Pepe Le Pew on dope. There’s also the mystery surrounding his future (which isn’t really a mystery any more but it used to be). Follow his story in the comic books and you’ll see why. Very cool. Also, he’s a bit of a player and uses the classic combination of French accent and dark-and-mysterious demeanour to get plenty of girls, including Rogue. So not only is he a loveable rogue, but he has a loveable Rogue too. Clever.

This X-Men T-Shirt is brought to you by thinkgeek.com where it costs between $19.99 and $21.99. Sizes range between small and XXXL and it only comes in what they call ‘chestnut’. Be the coolest Cajun that you can be.

 

X-Men T-Shirt – Look like a mutant.

Can you name them all? I can. *sticks tongue out*

I don’t know how I’ve got this far with this blog and not looked at a proper X-Men T-Shirt yet, but, apparently I have. Anyway, above is a tee featuring many of my favourite characters from what is almost certainly the most expansive comic book team of all time. And my favourite.

Apart from Stan Lee’s obsession with putting an “X” in the title of every X-Men comic and spin-off (X-Force, X-Factor, Excalibur… I could go on), it’s the only comic book series that I have no problem with. Nearly all others have faults which irk me, but Xavier’s mutants have always excited and delighted me. The range of mutations makes every character unique and the possibilities endless. From Colossus turning his skin into metal, to Banshee being able to literally scream a house down, to Storm controlling the weather, to the infamous healing abilities of Wolverine, there is endless scope. And they never scrimped on bad guys either. Whereas Superman just took on a guy in  suit most of the time (really? a suit? Oooh… scary) to the Hulk fighting anyone who wasn’t the Hulk, Superheroes often get a relatively easy ride with their villains. But the X-Men have to take on the likes of Apocalypse, Sinister, Juggernaut, Magneto, Onslaught, Omega Red, Lady Deathstrike… there are almost as many villains as there are heroes and all of them are serious tough-nuts. In fact, when you take into account sentinels and the sporadic swarms of aliens they have to deal with, there are probably more bad guys! And everyone has a flaw that can be exploited in many different ways. But they also make the most of what makes them different, and that’s a good life lesson and ethos for us all. I’ve been a fan of these heroic mutants for many years and I probably always will be. And now, I’ve found a t-shirt featuring some of my all time favourites. Nice.

This tee is available from entertainmentearth.com. Sizes range from small to XXL, though at the time of writing only medium was in stock. It comes in black and costs $19.99. So get your mutant on and spend some time looking for your own mutant super power. I’ve been trying to make claws come out of my knuckles since I was about seven. So far, no luck.

 

Comic Book T-Shirt – Make some noises!

Boom.

Comic books have always had a problem with conveying sound other than speech. Or they would have done if not for the boundless imagination of their writers. This Comic Book T-Shirt celebrates the wealth of noises that have been written in these pages. Whap!

Remember when Batman was fun? I do. It wasn’t all about darkness and speaking in a ridiculous gravelly voice. Nothing had to make sense. There was a guy, dressed like a bat (sort of), with a cool car, beating people up and saving precious emeralds and the like. In recent times, we’ve lost that, both on page and screen, but if you had the opportunity to enjoy ‘classic’ Batman, you enjoyed a real treat. Especially the TV show. Adam West and Burt Ward, running around in tights, acting really poorly (but in a very good way) and really over-camping the whole thing. Less Dark Knight, more Guy Who Likes To Wear Purple. In the shows, after they’d driven around for a bit and spoken to Commissioner Gordon a couple of times, they’d find Julie Newmar or Caesar Romero in a warehouse somewhere, typically with some “goons”, and then the real fun would start. With every punch or kick came a “Zork!” or a “Blam!”. Every now and again, you’d get a “Craaaack!”. It was really exciting. And fun! In the comic books too, even today, these wonderful invented sounds appear across many titles. And they all make sense. I know exactly what “Thwok!” sounds like. So I’m thrilled that someone has put this tee together – I think it looks awesome.

Suit up with your own Comic Book Noises T-Shirt by checking out spreadshirt.net. It comes in loads of colours, costs €27.90 and sizes range from Small to 3XL. Failing that, go put on tights, hang around warehouses and get into fights. I’ve heard it’s fun.

 

Superman T-Shirt – But is it as costly as a locomotive?

If you wear this tee, people will think you’re a plane. Or a bird. Apparently.

Dateline London. Train fares have been increased to levels that make rail transport almost prohibitive. And it’s not even like we have nice trains! It’s hardly power and steam. In fact, there’s very little power and the only steam you see is the hot, germy breath of your fellow commuters fogging up the windows. So a Superman T-Shirt is apt, because these days, it just doesn’t make any sense.

To me, Superman never made sense. Ok, he was the first Superhero to really capture the imagination, but he was dated pretty much straight away. And as every plot seems to revolve around someone having some kryptonite or two things happening simultaneously, it got old fast too. Felix Baumgartner recently went faster than a speeding bullet when he jumped from space so that’s been done by a non-Kryptonian. And the powerful locomotive one really is dated. Not just because of all the heavy machinery invented since, but also because, if you live in the UK, you have no idea what “powerful” train looks like anymore. A sluggish, ugly, disease-filled, angry, diesel monstrosity is what we’re used to and as they’re almost always late. We can’t even fathom the concept of them being powerful. And now, our beloved leaders have decided to up the fares. In some places by 50%. Why? Apparently we’re paying for all the lovely, shiny upgrades we’re getting. You know. The ones that will be rubbish, if we do ever actually see them. Lucky us. I’d quite like Superman to come to Britain now, take a look at our trains and then smash them all up and make us start again with good engines and fair fares. Ah, to dream…

This is a lovely looking t-shirt, and if you are a fan of Clark Kent’s alter-ego, it makes a nice change to the classic “S” t-shirt. You can find it at shotdeadinthehead.com where it costs £17.99. It comes in 10 different colours (but you have to go with the classic blue don’t you?) and sizes go from small to 2XL. Oh, and if you look up at the sky and see a man-shaped blur, streaking across the sky faster than a bullet and you think it’s a bird, you want sectioning.

 

Avengers T-Shirt – My Movie of 2012

“Puny God” – The Incredible Hulk

There can only be one movie of 2012 and, for me at least, it’s a pretty easy choice. The Avengers was, for all geeks, a work of brilliance. Therefore, it’s only right that I have an Avengers T-Shirt to go with it.

The last 40 minutes. Just when the portal opens and the six of them are there, in Manhattan, getting ready to fight alien monstrosities. That’s what made this film so brilliant for me. It’s so gloriously, geekily magnificent that I start jumping up and down with excitement when it gets close. And there are certain lines. “I’m bringing the party to you”, “I’m always angry”, “We have a Hulk”, “And Hulk: Smash.”… there are others too. They bring out the eight year old in me. It’s amazing. To have that cast, directed by Joss Whedon (who I have a serious geek-man-crush on – Firefly!), with that story line… It’s a nerdgasm of mammoth proportions. If you didn’t catch it, you should see this film as any remotely geeky person will think all the more of you. And ladies, if you want to get a geeky guy, quote a single line from Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow character and he will propose to you there and then. This film made my year in ways that the frankly disappointing third instalment of the Batman films or Prometheus were never going to do. The only annoying thing is that I have to wait until 2015 until the sequel. So, it’s a hands-down win for The Avengers in my film of 2012 chart.

This t-shirt comes from Play.com where it costs just £7.99. It comes in grey with sizes from Small to XXL (though at the time of writing only a couple of sizes are in stock). I still believe in heroes, and this film helped me affirm that belief. Love it.

 

Homeless T-Shirt – On the road again…

Now I’ve got the t-shirt, where do I get a bindle and a crumpled top hat from?

Well, as of this weekend, I’m going to be homeless. Well, not really. While I wait for a room to open up in a friend’s house, I’m moving back to my Mum’s place (for hopefully no more than a week). In light of that, here’s a Homeless T-Shirt.

I’m moving out of my current place. The magic that first drew me there – the people – are long gone and the place is a building site at the moment as the new landlord dolls it up for prospective new tenants. I had a place all lined up, but the people moving out are having their own difficulties and things have been delayed. So, depressingly, I’m schlepping back to the dull Oxfordshire town where I grew up and I’ll be schlepping to and from work every day. 3.5 hours a day on the trains. Not fun. But, I’m hoping that it’s going to be worth it and, one day, hopefully soon, I’ll be moving into my new place. Still, as glum as this can make me, at least I’ve got somewhere to go and a family. Not everyone does, and at this time of year, when so many people are gorging themselves with treats and splashing the cash, it really hits home just how bleak life on the streets must be. So, if you’d like to help out a little bit, why not give what you can spare each month to a charity that helps. I give a little bit each month to St Mungo’s which helps people in London and the South of England not only survive on the streets, but they do a lot to try and prevent people from ever being made homeless in the first place. So if you can give a little this year, find a charity near you and donate. A few £s or $s might make someone happy instead of miserable this Christmas.

This is a Candorville T-Shirt, in that it features a strip from the Candorville comic by Darrin Bell who has long used his considerable talent to examine social issues in his work with humour and reality combined. I discovered this tee at printfection.com where it costs $26.99, comes in five colours and sizes S to XXL.

P.S. – Here’s a close up of the strip so you can actually read it.

 

Johnny The Homicidal Maniac T-Shirt – No-one scarier.

“Dear Die-ary, I seem to be dead.” – JTHM

There is no-one scarier. Freddy, Jason, Dracula… none of them compare to the “misunderstood” entity that is Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, and now there’s a Johnny The Homicidal Maniac T-Shirt too.

If you’ve read Jhonen Vasquez’ graphic (violently graphic) JTHM book, you’ll be aware, but for those of you who don’t know, allow me to fill you in a little. Johnny could be a regular guy, except that he has a wall in his basement that torments him if he doesn’t keep it slick with blood, and his only friend is Nail-Bunny, a long dead rabbit that he once nailed to the wall. But he’s very ethical about who he kills and it tends to be only the scum of society who feels his unrelenting wrath (that scum including anyone who has ever spoken one bad word to him and pedophiles). He goes on a fantastical and terrifying journey to discover something about himself and the world, but he also concludes that the journey probably wasn’t worth it. It’s terrifying, touching, daring, brilliant and wholly unique.  Vasquez’ imagery and illustration is striking and unsurpassed in my humble opinion and he captured a nightmare world perfectly for his work. And the fact that you can now get this work on a t-shirt makes me very happy indeed. It’s also perfect for halloween.

I found this JTHM T-Shirt at stylinonline.com. It’s just under $20.00, comes in black only (very appropriate) and sizes range from Small to XXL. I shall leave you with one of my favourite Johnny quotes: “I’ve been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I’ve done horrifying things with salad tongs. It’s really eaten into my social life.”

Deadpool T-Shirt – Be a Merc with a shirt.

“For the love of Bill Gates, this thing is adorable!” – Deadpool

Deadpool has been one of my favourite comic book “heroes” for a long time now, and this Deadpool T-Shirt is perfect for anyone who follows this lunatic’s adventures.

Not familiar with Deadpool? Here’s a brief history. Wolverine was not the only mutant worked on at the Weapon X Facility (note – you may need some basic knowledge of comic books for this stuff. Among the others there was the tragic character of Wade Winston Wilson (Classic Stan Lee style naming there). Suffering from cancer, breaking up with his true love to spare her the pain, this assassin/soldier who happened to be a mutant who gained the same regenerative powers as Wolverine signed up for Weapon X where he received a lot of “treatment”. Wade Wilson died and Deadpool, a name taken from all of the test subjects betting on how long each other would survive, was born. An anarchic, sometimes slapstick, witty, psychopathic nutcase who happens to be an expert martial artist and pretty good with an Uzi, he appeared first in one of the X-Men comics in 1991 and has since gone on to gain his own titles, including his current/recent title where he’s in the process of killing every hero in the Marvel universe. Marvel, if you’re reading, now you’ve done Avengers, this is the film to make next. And when you do, I shall go to the cinema wearing this rather fetching tee, sporting Deadpool’s logo.

Grab your own Deadpool Logo T-Shirt at Stylinonline.com where it’s a bargain $19.88. It comes in sizes Small to XXL and comes only in Black. In the words of Deadpool “My common sense is tingling” and therefore I’m going to buy this tee.