Parrot T-Shirt – Here’s a joke for you…

The quiet parrot.

To change things up for this post, regarding this rather awesome and witty Parrot T-Shirt design, I’ve decided to tell you a joke. Apologies if you already heard it, but I’ve heard it loads of times and it still makes me laugh.

So, this woman walks into a pet shop one day, and she’s taking a look around but nothing really appeals to her. The dogs, the cats, the rodents. None of them really seem right. As she’s walking out of the shop, she notices that the behind the counter is a beautiful parrot with bright plumage and shiny feathers. She walks up to the guy behind the counter and asks him how much the parrot costs.
“What, this one?” he says, indicating the bird in question “I don’t think you want this one, miss.”
“Why not?” she inquires.
“Well,” says the man “he’s a rescue. Normally that’s fine, but this one was rescued from a brothel. He’s picked up quite a few bad habits and his language is frankly disgusting. I’m going to have to spend quite a lot of time training it out of him before I sell him.”
After convincing the man behind the counter to let her buy the bird, assuring him that she’ll spend every day talking to him and training the bad language out of him, she heads home with her new pet.
He settles in fine and for a couple of hours says nothing at all. He’s very friendly and sweet, but doesn’t say a word. Then, there’s a knock at the door and the woman goes to answer it. It’s her mother who has popped round for tea. As soon as she walks into the room, the parrot starts screeching obscenities. F-ing this and S-ing that, turning the air blue. But after a minute of this he goes all quiet again. The woman’s mother is understandably shocked.
“It’s alright, mother,” the woman reassures her “he used to belong to a ghastly brothel but I’m re-educating him and I’ll get rid of all that foul language.”
With the mother reassured, the two sit down for tea.
A little while later, and there’s another knock at the door. In walks the vicar and the parrot starts off again. Lurid references and body parts, curses and swears. And again, after a minute, he goes all quite again.
The vicar is very flustered and the woman and her mother explain the whole story. The vicar tells her that it’s very charitable of her to attempt to bring this bird’s vocabulary back to an acceptable level.
A short while later, they hear a key in the lock of the front door. The woman’s husband has arrived home and she, her mother and the vicar look up at the parrot with dread. When the man walks into the room, they’re all staring intensely at the bird, who turns to see the husband walk into the room and then says
“Alright, Dave! I’ve not seen you since last tuesday!”

There you go. I bet the woman in that joke wishes her parrot had nothing to say, eh readers? Anyway, this beautiful t-shirt design comes to you from Tshirt-Factory.com. It’s just the design, which you can buy for £10.00 and print onto a tee yourself. See the site for more details on how to do that. And beware buying a parrot. Especially if you frequent brothels.

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Chewbacca T-Shirt – Wookie done good.

Every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed hairy, cross-bow wielding alien.

I’ve been meaning to do a dedicated Chewbacca T-Shirt for a long time now. It’s only fair. I look at a lot of Star Wars tees, and I always smile most when looking at the big fluffy wookie. So here’s one of my favourites.

There’s something about Chewy. Yes, he’s very cuddly. And yes, I look like him a bit. But there’s more to it than that. In the films, all of the other heroes have an agenda. Luke has to avenge his father, until he finds out his father is the guy who killed his father and then he just has to save the universe. Han wants Leia. Leia wants Han and revenge for Alderaan. Kenobi and Yoda want to ensure the survival of the Jedi religion. Lando wants revenge for Vader betraying him. Even the droids need to get their message to Obi Wan, and then they have specific roles too (like mince around and beep). And then there’s the wookie. Chewy’s in it because he’s a good guy. He’s in it because Han Solo is his buddy and therefore, he goes where his buddy goes. He carries droids, fights stormtroopers, suffers ewoks and generally kicks ass, all because his best pal is after a girl. If you can name a better wingman in the history, of wingmen… well, you can’t. So if any cast member from Star Wars deserves a t-shirt of his own, it’s Chewy. And to celebrate the occasion, he’s even wearing a suit. He cleans up very nice, indeed.

So get your own suited Wookie T-Shirt by heading over to 2bhipshirts.com where it’ll cost you $26.99. It comes only in beige/cream and sizes go from small to extra large. All hail Chewbacca, for he is truly the greatest of heroes. HHHHRRRRRUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! (that’s my Chewy impression – good, innit).

 

The Hobbit T-Shirt – Yes, I’m getting excited.

“In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit.” – JRR Tolkien

I can see the Lonely Mountain coming into view, and all those riddles in the dark. Yes, I’m getting plenty excited about the new film, and to celebrate, here’s a Hobbit T-Shirt for you to enjoy.

Into the Misty Mountains, and through Mirkwood. From Hobbiton to Esgaroth. Meeting dwarves and trolls and elves and eagles… It’s going to be good. I know it’s going to be good because the cast is great and Peter Jackson is in charge again and I’ve been eagerly watching the making of vids over and over again on Youtube. I’m very much looking forward to the Hobbit films (all three of them) and coupled with the recent Star Wars news, it’s a good time to be a cinema-going geek. The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart, and though I know the film won’t do the book justice, because no film can ever live up to the images in your head, I still can’t wait to sit there with a massive tub of popcorn and enjoy it. It was the first book that my father ever gave to me and I still have his dog-eared copy on my book shelf that I gently flick through from time to time. When I was a kid, what fascinated me the most were the maps, drawn by Tolkien’s son, Christopher. They were simple, but at the same time perfect for prompting your imagination to create Middle Earth around them. And so I was thrilled when I saw this t-shirt online. That image of the Lonely Mountain and the devilish and devious Smaug flying above it reminds me of hearing of Bilbo’s adventures for the first time, and therefore this is an awesome tee.

If you want one for yourself, simply head over to buycoolshirts.com and add one to your knapsack. It’ll cost you $19.99 (while it’s still on special offer – it’s usually $24.99), it comes in this cream colour, and sizes range from Small to 2XL. I shall be sporting something similar on the film’s opening night. If I could get my hands on a big Hobbit foam finger and silly hat, I’d be wearing those too. And now, to paraphrase JRR himself: So comes snow after fire, and even blog posts have their endings.