Tokyo T-Shirt – This is Godzilla’s Country

April 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

Godzilla T-Shirt

Gojira! Gojira!

For someone who pretty much hates the lazy design that goes into the ‘I heart (insert whatever here)’ t-shirts, this Tokyo T-Shirt is a clever and amusing alternative. And who doesn’t love Godzilla?

So, you may remember that a while back, I looked at a Hello Kitty shirt in tribute to my friend Nicola heading over to Japan to go and teach English for a year. Well, now she’s there, and she started a blog, so I’m totally plugging said blog for her because I reckon it’s going to be pretty interesting, especially if you ever wondered what it’s like to head off to a foreign land and go live and work there. She tells me that Tokyo is awesome and completely mental and that’s just making me even more jealous of her being out there. But then, I don’t have to deal with Godzilla or Mothra, and therefore, in those stakes, I’m up. So, this blog of Nicola’s can be found at JapanMeInTheFace.wordpress.com (the name should give you some indication of Nicola’s sense of humour) and I look forward to reading lots of interesting things on there over the coming weeks and months. She’s the sort of person who will discover amazing places where the furniture is made out of rice and all the food is in haiku-form so it should be a good read.

As for this delightful Godzilla T-Shirt, you can find it at drasticplasticrecords.com where it’s available for the very reasonable price of $14.98. It comes in black, and sizes range from S to XXL. I believe Godzilla takes a size XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL, but if that’s required, I’m sure you can contact the manufacturer and request one specially – though there may be a slight increase in price.

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Parrot T-Shirt – Here’s a joke for you…

March 21, 2013 § Leave a comment

Parrot T-Shirt Design

The quiet parrot.

To change things up for this post, regarding this rather awesome and witty Parrot T-Shirt design, I’ve decided to tell you a joke. Apologies if you already heard it, but I’ve heard it loads of times and it still makes me laugh.

So, this woman walks into a pet shop one day, and she’s taking a look around but nothing really appeals to her. The dogs, the cats, the rodents. None of them really seem right. As she’s walking out of the shop, she notices that the behind the counter is a beautiful parrot with bright plumage and shiny feathers. She walks up to the guy behind the counter and asks him how much the parrot costs.
“What, this one?” he says, indicating the bird in question “I don’t think you want this one, miss.”
“Why not?” she inquires.
“Well,” says the man “he’s a rescue. Normally that’s fine, but this one was rescued from a brothel. He’s picked up quite a few bad habits and his language is frankly disgusting. I’m going to have to spend quite a lot of time training it out of him before I sell him.”
After convincing the man behind the counter to let her buy the bird, assuring him that she’ll spend every day talking to him and training the bad language out of him, she heads home with her new pet.
He settles in fine and for a couple of hours says nothing at all. He’s very friendly and sweet, but doesn’t say a word. Then, there’s a knock at the door and the woman goes to answer it. It’s her mother who has popped round for tea. As soon as she walks into the room, the parrot starts screeching obscenities. F-ing this and S-ing that, turning the air blue. But after a minute of this he goes all quiet again. The woman’s mother is understandably shocked.
“It’s alright, mother,” the woman reassures her “he used to belong to a ghastly brothel but I’m re-educating him and I’ll get rid of all that foul language.”
With the mother reassured, the two sit down for tea.
A little while later, and there’s another knock at the door. In walks the vicar and the parrot starts off again. Lurid references and body parts, curses and swears. And again, after a minute, he goes all quite again.
The vicar is very flustered and the woman and her mother explain the whole story. The vicar tells her that it’s very charitable of her to attempt to bring this bird’s vocabulary back to an acceptable level.
A short while later, they hear a key in the lock of the front door. The woman’s husband has arrived home and she, her mother and the vicar look up at the parrot with dread. When the man walks into the room, they’re all staring intensely at the bird, who turns to see the husband walk into the room and then says
“Alright, Dave! I’ve not seen you since last tuesday!”

There you go. I bet the woman in that joke wishes her parrot had nothing to say, eh readers? Anyway, this beautiful t-shirt design comes to you from Tshirt-Factory.com. It’s just the design, which you can buy for £10.00 and print onto a tee yourself. See the site for more details on how to do that. And beware buying a parrot. Especially if you frequent brothels.

Ministry Of Silly Walks T-Shirt – Yes, Mr Teabag.

March 12, 2013 § Leave a comment

John Cleese T-Shirt

May I see your silly walk?

For at least the third time on this blog, I’m looking at a Monty Python T-Shirt. I feel this is a good thing. Especially when this Ministry Of Silly Walks T-Shirt highlights one of the all-time classics of the show.

I was stood in the street the other day, outside work, having a cigarette and I began to people watch. It’s a naturally occurring phenomenon. Have people, will watch. Anyway, as I studied the humans that passed by, something struck me, figuratively speaking (no one threw anything at me is what I mean). I have an awesome gait. Seriously. People walk funny. I never thought of myself as particularly graceful, but looking at the rest of you, I realised that my strides are consistent and smooth, my footfalls light but firm, and my balance is exceptional. The rest of you all jolt and stomp and stumble around like you’re still getting used to shoes while I have the air of elegance about my strolling. I’m proud. But as long as I watched, I saw no really silly walks. I’d love to see you doing a John Cleese impression by flicking out your toes, twisting your knees and swivelling your hips, but you don’t. No wonder the Ministry of Silly Walks doesn’t get the funding it used to get. You lot wouldn’t even get a research fellowship at La Marche Futile! As for me, I’m lobbying parliament for a Ministry of Elegant Walks. I shall let you know if I get anywhere with that one.

This John Cleese T-Shirt is available from Notonthehighstreet.com. It was created by the talented lot at Layer Eight, it comes in grey or blue, with sizes going from small to XXL. All of that for just £25. A price by the way which is now equal to the paltry weekly allowance offered by the MoSW. Stupid government cuts…

 

Normal T-Shirt – I really do sometimes.

March 6, 2013 § Leave a comment

Sometimes I Pretend T-Shirt

There’s no such thing as normal. Well, that’s what the voices tell me.

 

For your consideration is this Normal T-Shirt. I have always been of the opinion that there is no such thing as the concept of ‘normal’ but every now and again, I’m reminded that that I’m pretty ab-no-such-thing-as-normal. For many reasons. Let’s go through them.

Here’s 10 to get you started:

1. I don’t like steak. I’m a red-blooded, non-vegetarian meat-lover. But still, I find steak boring, bland and unimaginative.

2. I don’t believe in ghosts but I’m convinced I saw one once. It was weird and it creeped me the hell out.

3. I have something verging on a superstition about not being superstitious.

4. I’m a half-Scottish Cockney, and yet I have a classically posh English accent.

5. I enjoy ironing. I find it very therapeutic.

6. I occasionally daydream about being a superhero. I’m almost 30.

7. I have four drawers full of t-shirts and yet I don’t think I have enough.

8. I have developed a system of street golf involving my cigarette butts and gutters.

9. My residual self image would be either the Blob or the Hulk on any given day.

10. I own a ridiculously expensive pair of cowboy boots that I never wear.

There. And that’s just for starters. That’s the PG stuff. I’m not even going to start on the really freaky stuff – you’d probably have nightmares for a week! Now, I reckon we could all get a list like that down on paper – we all have our idiosyncrasies. Maybe, have a think about it. We’re all weird. But I maintain I’m more weird than most. And the face in my window whispers confirmation of that in the middle of the night sometimes.

Anyway, you can get your own Sometimes I Pretend T-Shirt at Notonthehighstreet.com. It was created by Otto’s Day, costs £24.00, comes in four colours and sizes range from Small to XL. And with that, I shall see you normals later.

Star Wars Bacon T-Shirt – THIS is how you crush the rebellion.

February 28, 2013 § Leave a comment

Sith T-Shirt

Now you will witness the power of this fully operational frying pan.

Why am I looking at this tee? Well, it combines two of my favourite things in the world ever. Star Wars and Bacon. Anything that combines those two things instantly gets my approval. So, without further ado (not that there had been too much ado before now – precious little ado actually), here is a Star Wars Bacon T-Shirt.

So, say you’re a couple of Sith guys with most of the universe under your control. Like any successful business, you want 100% market share of everything you’re involved in (weapons, soldiers, the Force, etc…). It’s natural. But how do you get people to convert? Were I Vader, or the Emperor, the first bit of propaganda I would do, would be to start a rumour about how the rebels are going to ban bacon. Maybe that the “light” side of the force was all about dieting and that bacon just didn’t fit in with that philosophy. Every ship in the galaxy would turn against them. Han and Chewie would have flushed Ben and Luke into the vacuum of Space, paid Jabba what they owed him with the reward money for doing so, and gone and had a bacon sarnie. The whole saga over by act the start of act 2. Done. Instead though, the Sith preached all the boring stuff and didn’t win hearts and minds. Bacon wins hearts and minds. And then clogs up the arteries of said hearts with win. fatty, salty win. It’s odd they didn’t think of it, seeing as a Sith lightsaber is kind-of the same colour as bacon.

This Sith T-Shirt is brought to you by the good folks at the geekiest place on Earth, Thinkgeek.com. It costs between $20.99 and $22.99, comes in red and sizes range from Small to XXXL. And in my mind, if the rebellion had been crushed, to sweeten the guards at Imperial checkpoints, Han would have renamed his ship the Millennium Bacon. May the Pork be with you.

 

Meat Loaf T-Shirt – Like a Tee out of Hell

February 25, 2013 § Leave a comment

meat loaf tee

Classic rock and pie charts combined. Awesome.

Every now and again, my musical tastes revert to Meat Loaf. It’s like my default music for some reason. And that’s kind of happening now. So, in celebration of this, I have found this brilliant Meat Loaf T-Shirt. It’s like the only time maths has been cool.

My musical tastes run in phases, and I always start each phase with Meat Loaf. I’m not sure why. I have several days of music on my iPod, with genres ranging from Metal to Rap, from Blues to Trance, with a few lashings of Folk, Punk, Classical and plenty of Rock in between. But despite this, I get bored. I feel like I’ve listened to everything. That’s when I go back to The Loaf. I also look like him a bit (yes, ladies, it’s true). Usually, after a few renditions of Bat Out Of Hell or I’d Lie For You (And That’s The Truth), I create a new playlist and move on. Then, in several months’ time, I’ll have to reset again, and I’ll be listing to Hot Patootie again. It’s like a musical comfort blanket, I guess. You can rock out, dance to it a bit and it’s great sing-along music too. And now, you can have the fun of applying mathematics to it as well. As well as the above pie chart, there’s “2/3 ≥ satisfactory” and “∞<old”. I’m working on others too (turns out I need to spend a bit more time with my algebra books before I start trying this stuff – but I’m sure there are plenty there). Anyway, I shall start a new musical phase soon as I’m currently enjoying Mr Marvin Adey (yep, that’s his real name) at his romantic, OTT best.

Grab your own Meaty tee at Chargrilled.co.uk. It’ll cost you £17.95, there are loads of colours and sizes go up to XXXL in this men’s style (there are hoodies and women’s fit as well). Now go pull on a frilly shirt and waistcoat combo, get some red roses, and get your oversized romantic on.

 

Under The Weather T-Shirt – Language, illness and atmosphere.

January 25, 2013 § Leave a comment

Under The Weather T-Shirt

This will give you a sunny disposition.

I love a clever tee. And a tee design that shows passion in its creation. The Under The Weather T-Shirt has all of that in spades, and I think it looks just great. And it gives me plenty to talk about too (aside from my own changing of ways).

Let’s start with the weather. In London today we’ll have had freezing fog, snow, rain and we’re in for a warm weekend apparently. Nice. That’s what British weather should be. Completely schizophrenic and entirely unhelpful. In terms of illness, I’m getting a cold apparently. Not that I have any visible symptoms, just a familiar tickle in the sinuses that leads me to believe that in a few days I’ll be hacking, sneezing and generally feeling miserable. So there you go. And this is why I love this t-shirt. It exploits the wonders of the English language through pun and metaphor allowing me to talk about these disparate subjects without the need for a tortured segway. Not only that but the illustration is as cute as a button too.

This tee was created by the good folks at paperpencilpen.com who look to be something worth getting excited about. I recognise a fellow serial drawer and doodler when I see one and the people behind these designs have that wonderful ability in abundance. It’s the ability to just sit down and start drawing. Nothing so quickly becomes something. It’s great. And to transfer that to t-shirt design makes me very happy. This t-shirt will cost you $14.00, comes in white, and there are several styles and loads of sizes to choose from. I also urge you to check out their entire range – it’s full of tee-resure. See. I can pun too.

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