Zombieland T-Shirt – Enjoy The Little Things.

Time to nut up, or shut up.

Zombieland was a real treat when it came out, and it’s a shame that it’s taken me this long to look at a Zombieland T-Shirt. However it’s a treat to know that there may be a sequel is on the way (nothing confirmed yet but hopes remain high), and it’s good to remember some of those rules.

There are plenty of awesome bits in the movie. Everything with B.M. *winks at those in the know* for a start. I’m also a particular fan of Tallahassee walking into a Zombie-filled market in the sticks, wielding garden shears and playing a banjo. There are too many good bits to name and lots of potential Zombie Kills of the Week. The rules are my favourite though, and although the Double Tap (Rule #4) is a show-stealer, it’s Rule #32 that we all need to listen to a little more. I’ve been a bit gloomy of late, and though all the wounds aren’t healed, I’m getting there. And I’ve been enjoying the little things a bit more. For example, each night after work, rather than trudging off home, squeezing onto a packed train and going back to bad food and the company of my computer, I’ve been changing my routine. I go to a bar, order a pint of good beer, and get my sketchbook out. I just sit, for an hour or so, drawing. And it’s great. Rather than have all my neuroses spilling out all over the place, they get channelled into my pens. I’m good at drawing, and a chronic doodler, so it has helped a lot. Not that there’d be much of a chance of drawing and a leisurely pint in Zombieland. Oh well. That’s the thing about little pleasures. There are plenty of them.

This Enjoy The Little Things T-Shirt is available from Spreadshirt.com where it costs $22.70. Sizes range from small to XXL and there are loads of colours available. I really hope they make a sequel to this film. Although the whole Twinkie thing is now a bit of a continuity nightmare…

 

Advertisement

Chewbacca T-Shirt – Wookie done good.

Every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed hairy, cross-bow wielding alien.

I’ve been meaning to do a dedicated Chewbacca T-Shirt for a long time now. It’s only fair. I look at a lot of Star Wars tees, and I always smile most when looking at the big fluffy wookie. So here’s one of my favourites.

There’s something about Chewy. Yes, he’s very cuddly. And yes, I look like him a bit. But there’s more to it than that. In the films, all of the other heroes have an agenda. Luke has to avenge his father, until he finds out his father is the guy who killed his father and then he just has to save the universe. Han wants Leia. Leia wants Han and revenge for Alderaan. Kenobi and Yoda want to ensure the survival of the Jedi religion. Lando wants revenge for Vader betraying him. Even the droids need to get their message to Obi Wan, and then they have specific roles too (like mince around and beep). And then there’s the wookie. Chewy’s in it because he’s a good guy. He’s in it because Han Solo is his buddy and therefore, he goes where his buddy goes. He carries droids, fights stormtroopers, suffers ewoks and generally kicks ass, all because his best pal is after a girl. If you can name a better wingman in the history, of wingmen… well, you can’t. So if any cast member from Star Wars deserves a t-shirt of his own, it’s Chewy. And to celebrate the occasion, he’s even wearing a suit. He cleans up very nice, indeed.

So get your own suited Wookie T-Shirt by heading over to 2bhipshirts.com where it’ll cost you $26.99. It comes only in beige/cream and sizes go from small to extra large. All hail Chewbacca, for he is truly the greatest of heroes. HHHHRRRRRUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! (that’s my Chewy impression – good, innit).

 

The Hobbit T-Shirt – Yes, I’m getting excited.

“In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit.” – JRR Tolkien

I can see the Lonely Mountain coming into view, and all those riddles in the dark. Yes, I’m getting plenty excited about the new film, and to celebrate, here’s a Hobbit T-Shirt for you to enjoy.

Into the Misty Mountains, and through Mirkwood. From Hobbiton to Esgaroth. Meeting dwarves and trolls and elves and eagles… It’s going to be good. I know it’s going to be good because the cast is great and Peter Jackson is in charge again and I’ve been eagerly watching the making of vids over and over again on Youtube. I’m very much looking forward to the Hobbit films (all three of them) and coupled with the recent Star Wars news, it’s a good time to be a cinema-going geek. The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart, and though I know the film won’t do the book justice, because no film can ever live up to the images in your head, I still can’t wait to sit there with a massive tub of popcorn and enjoy it. It was the first book that my father ever gave to me and I still have his dog-eared copy on my book shelf that I gently flick through from time to time. When I was a kid, what fascinated me the most were the maps, drawn by Tolkien’s son, Christopher. They were simple, but at the same time perfect for prompting your imagination to create Middle Earth around them. And so I was thrilled when I saw this t-shirt online. That image of the Lonely Mountain and the devilish and devious Smaug flying above it reminds me of hearing of Bilbo’s adventures for the first time, and therefore this is an awesome tee.

If you want one for yourself, simply head over to buycoolshirts.com and add one to your knapsack. It’ll cost you $19.99 (while it’s still on special offer – it’s usually $24.99), it comes in this cream colour, and sizes range from Small to 2XL. I shall be sporting something similar on the film’s opening night. If I could get my hands on a big Hobbit foam finger and silly hat, I’d be wearing those too. And now, to paraphrase JRR himself: So comes snow after fire, and even blog posts have their endings.

 

Organs T-Shirt – My insides used to look like this.

And the lung bone’s connected to the heart bone. The heart bone’s connected…

The Organs T-Shirt is great at showing us what we look like inside. Or what we used to look like in the 19th Century. Or what someone thought we looked like. But I think mine are a little different…

This is a great-looking tee that utilises an actual 19th Century illustration of human organs to accomplish a very pleasing design. But the more I study it, even if I ignore the charming inaccuracies accomplished in an age before x-rays, I would make some changes if I wanted it to be an actual representation of what I think my insides look like. They go as follows:

Lungs – They need to be darker. Like proper darker. Black in fact. Aside from a slightly-becoming-problematic smoking habit, living in London insures my lungs are readily coated in a layer of disgusting gunge.

Heart – Often broken, but with low cholesterol, it ought to look leaner and with the texture of cracked porcelain.

Pancreas – I know it’s different spelling and pronunciation, but I always think of St Pancras, so therefore, mine should look like a train station with a hotel on top.

Liver – Should be slumped on the floor, vomiting blood and crying. Y’know. Like the real one.

So, when they’ve made those changes, I’ll get one for myself, but if you’re happy with the current interpretation, you can pick one up at science-tee-heaven Babbletees.com. It’ll cost you just $18 and comes in this pale yellow colour. There’s a ladies’ fit version too, but this unisex one is available in sizes small to XXXL. Have a happy friday, and don’t destroy your insides too much this weekend. Leave that to us professionals…

 

Guy Fawkes T-Shirt – I forgot to remember, remember.

Try to blow up parliament, get your face on a t-shirt. It’s that easy.

So what would be the perfect day to take a look at a Guy Fawkes T-Shirt? I’d have said the 5th of November. However, I should have said that yesterday. I forgot. Despite knowing the rhyme, I forgot.

To make up for my tardiness, I decided to go and find a particularly spiffing tee, and I think you’ll agree that I have. Also known as an Anonymous T-Shirt thanks to the cyber-terrorist/cyber-freedom-fighter (depending on your point of view) organisation who keep promising to take down Facebook (and I’d quite like it if they did) but never do. And people will also call it the V For Vendetta Shirt, due to the eponymous character of the excellent graphic novel (and ok film) donning this grinning face throughout. And Anonymous were inspired by V who was inspired by Guy Fawkes. The man who didn’t quite manage to destroy parliament has inspired a lot of people and every year in the UK, every November 5th we get to light loads of fireworks in his honour. True, a lot of us wish someone would have another go at blowing parliament, preferably with the current government trapped inside, but I for one am happy to settle for wearing a t-shirt like this. It’s a striking face and makes for an instantly recognisable t-shirt design.

Show your support for Guido, Alan Moore and/or hackers by grabbing one for yourself. It can be found at spreadshirt.com where it will cost you $18.90. It comes in lots of colours (but I rather like this striking green) and sizes go from S-XXL. There are plenty of other variants on the design so if you want something a little different, I’m sure it’s out there. Now I’m off to buy a 2013 calendar and scratch a note to remind me to do this for the 5th. Knowing my luck, I’ll do it on the 5th of October.

 

Stormtrooper T-Shirt – This IS the shirt I’m looking for.

You can go about your business, Mr Mouse…

The Stormtrooper T-Shirt is the perfect garment for me today. It’s current and topical, though the only “topical” I need is the ointment kind for my ruined forehead. Let me tell you a tale…

So, some idiot (Me) decided to participate in yesterday’s Halloween celebrations by donning a particularly gruesome look (No, not just my normal face). I went as a guy who’d been shot in the head (as you do) and it looked really horrible, which is good for halloween. The only problem being that, because of overuse of fake blood, I have stained my forehead orange-red. I look like an overgrown Umpa Lumpa whose reconstructive surgery didn’t go quite as well as hoped. Though with the face paint that won’t wash out of my eyelashes, some have said I more closely resemble the world’s ugliest drag queen with a touch of dermatitis. Which is lovely. I tried everything to get it out. before you suggest anything, I already tried it. Seriously, I have had the lot on my forehead as of this morning. So what I really need, ironically the day after halloween, is a mask. Or a helmet, and that’s why the Stormtrooper helmet would be spot on. And a t-shirt that’s brighter than my face right now would be a good distraction too.

Now, as for the whole “Disney Buys Star Wars” thing, I’m sort of undecided and underwhelmed by the whole thing. They can’t do worse than Jar Jar Binks (I hope) and the plan always was to do nine films, so it’s good that that’s happening. And George didn’t seem to be as in love with the films as he used to be, and Disney is very good at making family films, which is what Star Wars always was. On the other hand, there are enough cartoons doing the rounds on the internet of Darth Pluto and Mickey Mouse as the Emperor to put me off. Time will tell, but I’m sure to pick up the next trilogy regardless. Not that he’ll ever read it or know about it or care, but I’d like to say thanks to Mr Lucas for creating the concept and the universe and the first three films that have made all of us nerds/geeks very happy over the years. May the force be with you, George.

Back to this rather splendid t-shirt, you can pick one up for yourself at bluebanana.com where it’ll cost you £15.99. It comes in red and sizes go from Jawa to Jabba (that’s Small to XL to you). It’s a grand looking tee, and if my head wasn’t glowing and if I weren’t feeling so sorry for myself, I’d praise it in a little more detail. But it is, and I am, so I’m not.

 

Hitchhiker’s Guide T-Shirt – Where’s the whale, Hubble?

It’s big and round… Not the t-shirt, the… never mind.

There’s nothing like a Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy T-Shirt to make me smile, especially after the Hubble telescope let me down…

If you haven’t seen this image that combines a decade of the Hubble telescope looking into a small piece of space, I suggest you take a look. It’s fascinating if nothing else. An immense collection, filled with stars. It is impressive. However, it has also let me down a bit. Everyone who looks into space secretly (or in my case quite blatantly) wants to catch a glimpse of Aliens and life going on beyond our little corner of the galaxy. If this is not the case, the classic book by Douglas Adams is a lie, and I don’t like that idea. I want it to be true. I want to stare into that field of stars that the Hubble has collected and brought to us, and see Vogon demolition crews going about their business, Zaphod Beeblebrox ruling the galaxy, and Arthur and Ford hurtling around with their towels. And I’d like to see the restaurant at the end of the Universe too – if only to see how long the queue is. As it is, I shall settle for this rather fetching Whale T-Shirt which looks rather splendid and cites a brilliant passage from the book itself. Now I just have to find a bowl of petunias to match.

This splendid t-shirt comes from thinkgeek.com (where else!?) and it will cost you a trifling $17.99 – $19.99 depending on your size (which goes from S-XXXL). It comes in stone blue. Now I need to annoy all of my friends by quoting the book all week. Ironically, they tend to quote the bowl of petunias by simply remarking “Oh no, not again…”

p.s. In the speech bubble on the tee, the whale is saying “I wonder if it’ll be friends with me?”

Piranha Plants T-Shirt – Plumbers beware!

Hand me the secateurs…

This Piranha Plants T-Shirt not only reminds me of the years I’ve spent in the company of a moustachioed Italian plumber, but it also looks really cool too.

I feel I know Mario quite well. Very well actually. In fact, I’m a bit annoyed that he doesn’t send me a Christmas card each year. I’ve gone driving with him, rescued him from monsters, helped him prescribe drugs and even played tennis with him. I know all the members of his family and I even helped him pull Princess Peach on multiple occasions. But of all the tasks that I have helped him with, the one that I failed at so often, was dealing with these plants. As shrubbery goes, there is no more villainous, devious and horrid lump of teeth-bearing vegetation than the piranha plant. It’s always been pretty low in the pecking order of Mario’s enemies, and they shouldn’t be that hard to deal with, but no matter how many times you play it, once in a while you’ll mistime your jump and get bitten in the backside by one of these evil buds. A frustration that I shall always have to live with I guess, but on the plus side, I can now sport this rather dashing t-shirt to remind me of the perils. It is beautifully designed and far more subtle than seeing Mario’s beaming grin all over your chest. I will happily slay koopa troopas and goombas in their thousands, but there is no weed-killer strong enough…

I stumbled across this Super Mario T-Shirt at crazydogshirts.com where it’ll set you back $15.19 at the moment (it’s reduced from $18.99 at the time of writing this post). Men’s and women’s styles both go from sizes S-2XL, while 3XL and 4XL are also available for the blokes, and it only comes in this subtle light brown. So eat some mushrooms, jump on some turtles and pass the pruning shears.

Red Dwarf T-Shirt – As worn by Jim Bexley Speed

Never look like a hadron-head again!

This is by far the best Red Dwarf T-Shirt I could find. Not only is it worn by Dave Lister on screen, but you also get to add your own curry stains.

If you find yourself trolling about space, 3,000,000 years from Earth, alone apart from a neurotic android, a hopeless computer, an idiotic cat and the universe’s most annoying man, you’ll need to look sharp. Nothing accentuates your curves and drives the scutters wild like the bright red of the London Jets T-Shirt. You even get to pretend that you’re Jim Bexley Speed (he plays Roof Attack) for this much storied Zero-G Football team, and that’s pretty cool. I really really want one of these tees now. I’ve been a Red Dwarf fan ever since I heard my first ‘smeg’ and I’m cautiously looking forward to the new series – Red Dwarf X – which will be arriving in a couple of months. I’m cautious because the last outing couldn’t really be called a success, and it won’t be how it was all those years ago, but on the other hand, it’ll be great to see the crimson short one sailing through the big black again.

Show your support for Red Dwarf (and the London Jets) by heading over to 8ball.co.uk where you can pick this up for just £15.99. It’s available in four colours (but you’d have to be a gimboid to want anything other than red), and sizes range from small to 2XL. And you’ll have more fun wearing this than you would with Inflatable Rachel and the puncture repair kit.

 

New Star Wars T-Shirts – The Force returns.

These are so cool, it’s like jogging naked around Echo Base.

New Star Wars T-Shirts! I sometimes shout that out loud with fits of glee and bouts of excitement that are akin to those exhibited by lottery winners. And I’ve found some crackers this time.

Above is just a small collection (my favourites) available at muckysucky.com, a site that has loads of fantastic tees, both Star Wars-themed and otherwise. Indeed, there are many great t-shirts and if you’re looking for something witty and original, check this place out first. Back to the matter at hand, and I’m loving these Jeditastic (what? It’s a word!) t-shirts. Taking The Trilogy and adding some humour to it certainly isn’t new, but so many jokes have been made over and over again, finding some quality original work is a breath of fresh Hoth air – and that’s what you’ll discover here. Now for a run-down of my favourites as pictured above (going clockwise from top left)…

Mr Beep R2-D2 Star Wars T-Shirt – As if R2 wasn’t sweet enough, making him a Mr Men character makes him sweeter than a honey-dipped puppy. This one will cost you £14.99 (there’s a grey one too but the baby blue adds to the cuteness factor) and there are plenty of men’s and women’s sizes too.

Stormtrooper Playboy T-Shirt – From sweet to sexy, this comes very close to my fantasy of being arrested by a stormtrooper that turns out to be Natalie Portman… *coughs* Well, moving on, this one’s also just £14.99 and comes in black and there are plenty of sizes available.

Boba Fett Graphic T-Shirt – Not a funny one, but a great graphic representation of the Star Wars Universe. A beautiful design that stands out so well on the white background of this tee. It’s a steal at £13.99 and lots of sizes again.

Death Starbucks Vader T-Shirt – I’d kill for a coffee somedays. Other days, I’d kill everyone on the planet just for a sip of espresso. Maybe if they’d had a Starbucks on the Death Star, Alderaan would still be here today. It’s £13.99, lots of sizes and it looks good in green.

These are the t-shirts you’re looking for…