Bloody Handprints T-Shirt – Caught red-handed.

That’s going to take so much soap to get out…

Another Halloween tee for you, and this Bloody Hands T-Shirt highlights the plight of all those friendly neighbourhood serial killers out there. Laundry.

Of course, any practising serial killer has many problems to deal with. Keeping weapons concealed yet easily accessible, stopping the victim struggling, trying to watch TV while the voices in their heads ramble on… It really is a minefield of difficulties and challenges that we “normals” seldom fully comprehend. But the worst thing of all is the washing that it entails. As well as having to wipe-down fingerprints and keep the trunk of your car clean, the laundry bills must be a nightmare. Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of a poly-cotton blend? Neither do I, but I’m guessing it’s a chore. Sure, you could kill someone while naked but that’s just a little bit creepy, isn’t it? I suppose you could wear head-to-toe PVC for easy-wipe-down convenience, but that can get rather hot, especially in the summer months. I’m afraid, the lot of a serial killer is to spend a lot of time sat in front of the washing machine, hoping that his or her socks don’t turn orange. This is why I never go into a laundrette because I’ve been told that they’re absolutely full of psychopaths. True story.

This Bloody Handprints T-Shirt is, therefore, a real time and money saver for any psycho-killer out there. People will think it’s funny, and the more real blood you add, the more realistic the design will look, therefore impressing your friends or your toaster. You can grab one yourself at 8ball.co.uk where it’ll set you back no more than £14.99. It comes in three colours and sizes range from Small to  2XL, so whether you’re a Bradley “Chopper” Smith or a Robert Ben Rhoades (the shortest and tallest serial killers I could find – google them for some Halloween fun!), you’ll find a fit for you. And if you find yourself in a laundrette on Halloween, you’re already dead…

 

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I Love Zombies T-Shirt – It’s true. I do.

This post will be all for the zombies.

Zombies are one of my favourite horror subjects, and I enjoy any t-shirt that celebrates them, so this halloween, I’ll be wearing my I Love Zombies T-Shirt. But more than that, I feel zombies get a tough rap. They get very little love. They get shot in the head, chopped up, and blamed for so much that’s wrong. That can’t be fair. Therefore, I shall write the rest of this post in Zombie, for zombies. Though it’s not my first language, I’ve been practising for a long time now. So zombies, this one’s for you.

UUuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh Nyuuuuuurrrgggghhhh Garrrrrrrrrrrrr Urrrrggggghhhh Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrggggghhhhhh. Uuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh Uuurrrggghhh Rrrraaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggg Nnnyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuurrrrrggghhh Urrghh. Grrrrrrrrruuuuuuuurrrrrgggggghhhhh Uuuurrrgghh, Gggaaaaarrrrrr Uuurrgghh Nyuuurrggghhh. Hrrruuuuggggggghhhhhh Nnnggggguuuurrrrggghhh? Uuuuuurrrrggggghhhhh.

There. I hope I got that right. Last thing that I’d want to do would be to upset any zombies with my poor diction. If you’d like to show your love for zombies this halloween, head over to grindstore.com where this Zombie Tee will set you back no more than £10.99 (Great price!). It comes in sizes Small to XL and it only comes in black. Enjoy some brains and some shuffling this halloween, and remember… THEY’RE BEHIND YOU!

 

Spider T-Shirt – They’re crawling all over you.

Incy-Wincy-Spider crawled up your t-shirt sleeve…

Continuing with halloween, I thought I’d find a tee with something that really used to creep me out when I was a kid. Happily, this Spider T-Shirt has volunteered.

This technically isn’t a halloween t-shirt, but if you have ever had arachnophobia, there is nothing scarier. In an arachnophobic’s eyes, these hairy, creepy little alien monsters are disgusting demons that plague our existence and ought to be wiped from the face of the planet. When I used to see a spider, I’d scream “Kill it! Kill it with fire!” and then go mental on it. I found dropping books on them was a good way to deal with them, or whipping them off the ceiling with a towel – both options gave you distance and that’s important. But there is nothing scarier than sitting alone at night, with only the blue light of the TV casting long shadows across the room, and seeing something scuttle out of the corner of your eye. And if you don’t get rid of it then and there, and you lose it to the shadows, that room can never be entered again. Ever. How did I drop my fear of spiders? Well, in my teens, we moved to the countryside and you can’t be scared of spiders there because they’re everywhere. Cobwebs all over the place, no matter how many times you get rid of them. It would be like being scared of air. And I no longer kill them, because that seems a little cruel. Just because they’re a bit disgusting, it doesn’t mean they deserve death. If that was the case, someone would have dropped a book on me long ago.

The good thing about this Spider Tee is that it can be worn all year round because, frankly, it looks great. RedHill, the person behind the design, has picked excellent colours and neat shapes to craft a very pleasing look, even if it is covered in spiders. This one can be found at spreadshirt.co.uk where it costs £23.32. Lots of alternative colours are available (though I’m liking the teal) and sizes go from small to XXL. Hang on. What’s that crawling on your shoulder…

 

Johnny The Homicidal Maniac T-Shirt – No-one scarier.

“Dear Die-ary, I seem to be dead.” – JTHM

There is no-one scarier. Freddy, Jason, Dracula… none of them compare to the “misunderstood” entity that is Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, and now there’s a Johnny The Homicidal Maniac T-Shirt too.

If you’ve read Jhonen Vasquez’ graphic (violently graphic) JTHM book, you’ll be aware, but for those of you who don’t know, allow me to fill you in a little. Johnny could be a regular guy, except that he has a wall in his basement that torments him if he doesn’t keep it slick with blood, and his only friend is Nail-Bunny, a long dead rabbit that he once nailed to the wall. But he’s very ethical about who he kills and it tends to be only the scum of society who feels his unrelenting wrath (that scum including anyone who has ever spoken one bad word to him and pedophiles). He goes on a fantastical and terrifying journey to discover something about himself and the world, but he also concludes that the journey probably wasn’t worth it. It’s terrifying, touching, daring, brilliant and wholly unique.  Vasquez’ imagery and illustration is striking and unsurpassed in my humble opinion and he captured a nightmare world perfectly for his work. And the fact that you can now get this work on a t-shirt makes me very happy indeed. It’s also perfect for halloween.

I found this JTHM T-Shirt at stylinonline.com. It’s just under $20.00, comes in black only (very appropriate) and sizes range from Small to XXL. I shall leave you with one of my favourite Johnny quotes: “I’ve been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I’ve done horrifying things with salad tongs. It’s really eaten into my social life.”

Pennywise The Clown T-Shirt – I know you’re scared right now.

WWPD? I’m guessing he’d just kill lots of people.

Continuing this week’s Halloween theme, today we’re looking at this Pennywise T-Shirt, which is pretty much responsible for destroying the positive view of clowns in everybody.

I always liked clowns. During my teenage years, I even liked the Insane Clown Posse (something I’ve happily grown out of) but I never had a problem with clowns. None of my friends had anything against clowns either, until they got to the age when they were old enough to watch It. After that, if they were crossing the road, they would never cross over a gutter drain. It was that bad. And after that, all clowns were creepy. Even a happy clown who just made children laugh, was now considered more terrifying than Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster or the Wolfman. I still don’t have a problem with clowns, but I do get a kick out of showing some people a picture of Pennywise and seeing the look of cold, naked dread pass over their features as they recall hiding behind the sofa and sleeping with the lights on for a week. Since It, clowns have more frequently appeared as evil monsters, but for the ultimate evil of the red-nosed variety, accept no substitutes. As for what he would do, well, it wouldn’t be nice…

Celebrate the psychotic clown by picking up one of these Clown T-Shirts from jessytees.com where it’ll set you back no more than £11.69 (very reasonable!). It comes only in black, but there are loads of sizes available. But when you’re wearing it, don’t grab people and shout “Kiss me, fat boy!” or you’ll be paying for their therapy sessions for years.

 

Beetlejuice T-Shirt – Here lies…

It’s showtime!

I dare you to say it three times. Right now. Go on. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice… well, you know the rest. Anyway, in the 2nd instalment of our Halloween series, I present to you the Beetlejuice T-Shirt.

Arguably Michael Keaton’s best ever bit of acting (certainly better than Batman), was Betelgeuse (I never got why the film was spelled one way and the character another). The best bio-exorcist in the business and a complete lunatic to boot, death certainly got interesting with this guy around. Between avoiding the sandworms, hanging out in brothels and being able to throw his voice (as well as some other more unsavoury tricks) the guy still manages to get a lot done. His crowning glory has to be creating this wonderful rendition of The Banana Boat Song, complete with terrifying ending. Well, in the words of the man himself, “Attention K-Mart Shoppers” because you can now get this rather spiffing tee showing his tombstone. It works great in grey and is oddly subtle enough to just look like a regular t-shirt with a regular cool design to those not familiar with the film – though you are encouraged to spread the word and get people watching one of the funniest scary films of all time.

Get your own Betelgeuse T-Shirt by visiting popcultcha.com.au where you’ll need part with $29.99AUD (they do international delivery). It comes only in grey and the sizes available are Small, Large and XL. Or if you want to see what you could look like in the afterlife, just say his name three times.

 

Sugar Skull T-Shirt – Halloween Sweetness

Calavera de azucar – A tasty memorial on a tasty tee

As Halloween is fast approaching, I think it’s only right that I dedicate the blog to the t-shirts associated with everything spooky and scary. Let’s start with this Sugar Skull T-Shirt.

Oddly enough, unless you have a particular aversion to skulls, the candy versions that appear during Mexico’s Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) celebrations are actually quite sweet. While those of us in the UK or the US are obsessing about devils and witches, Mexican families are gathering together to celebrate and remember the people closest to them that they have lost. Sugar skulls are used on alters and even get munched afterwards, and can be used purely as decorations or as representations of the deceased. Often painted with patterns and flowers, they’re just another part of the very colourful celebrations that take place at this time of year. I really like this idea. The whole thing strikes me as not only healthy, but also very sweet (and that’s not just because of all the consumed sugar skulls). Ghosts stop being things to be scared off, and instead you can feel the presence of those you’ve lost, even that just means remembering them and talking about them with other people who also loved them.

The iconography of these celebrations, most famously the sugar skull, has now been taken to heart by the design community too, and this is just one of many Day of the Dead T-Shirts that’s available, though I think it’s a particularly nice one. I found it at redmolotov.com where it costs £14.99 for either men’s or women’s styles. There are plenty of colours and sizes to choose from so no worries there. And as they say in Mexico: “Hay mas tiempo que vida…”

 

Frankenstein T-Shirt – It’s Monster!

Nnnnggguuuurrrrr… (that’s my Frankenstein’s Monster impression by the way)

I think everyone should have a Frankenstein T-Shirt. Why would you not want one? Frankenstein’s monster was a man-built super-zombie who seeks nothing more than love and humanity but just keeps killing people. What’s not to love!?

The monster that you see on the front of this Monster Tee is the one made famous by Boris Karloff in 1931, an iconic image which remains recognisable and haunting to this day. When creating this t-shirt, the good folks at Beckett & Beckett have introduced that face to the ideals of pop art, making it burst from the from the chest like the offspring of a facehugger from Alien. It gives this a striking contrast when you marry the mournful eyes and grim expression with the pinky-purple that would get a nod of approval from Andy Warhol. An excellent t-shirt for film fans and mad scientists alike. The moral of this story being: if you insist on playing God, don’t send Igor for the brain, and always remember to paint the dead dude pinky-purple too because he’ll look awesome.

I spotted this on notonthehighstreet.com where it’ll set you back £19.00 or about $31.00 depending on whether you call them checks of cheques. It’s available in black or blue and sizes range from S-XL. I shall now watch my favourite bit of Frankenstein-related media. Enjoy!