Gonzo T-Shirt – Hunter was my hero.

January 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

Hunter S. Thompson T-Shirt

“Buy the ticket, take the ride.” – Hunter S. Thompson

When I finished reading my first Hunter S. book, I immediately bought my second. And then my third. I don’t think there’s much left of his work that I haven’t read. And there are few men who I admire more, so a Gonzo T-Shirt is most fitting. Let me tell you why he’s my hero.

Over a decade ago now, I read Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas. It was a big deal in my literary history as I discovered a very different way to write a book – to experience a book. As he drove through Bat Country, and walked through the halls of the hotel filled with grapefruit and lizards, his words (coupled with Ralph Steadman’s amazing illustrations) had me feeling as drugged up and tuned in as he was himself. Then the fear of Hell’s Angels and the heat of The Rum Diary. I was hooked. And then I started to read more about the man. Kingdom Of Fear is still a secret favourite of mine. It’s hilarious, terrifying and it’s quite hard to believe that it actually happened. He had his own agenda that was wholly his own, and his own style that, again, was unique to him. I even admire the reasons for his suicide in a weird way. Not wanting to become another relic of literature, being trotted out for long articles in Playboy or opinions on fellow authors who had passed, he went out with a bang. He chose his own fate. I never thought I could admire someone who killed themselves, but his death was on his own terms, in his control and it was his way of writing the final page and not giving a damn about what anyone thought of it. Thompson’s greatest achievement is his Gonzo journalism, and the symbol of the two-thumbed fist will, to me, will always be a sign of his original, magnificent writing talent.

So, if you’re a fan of Gonzo like what I am, make sure you grab this Hunter S. Thompson T-Shirt for yourself. It can be found at oldskoolhooligans.com where it costs just £11.99. It comes in red and sizes range from S-XXL. And I shall close with one of my favourite Hunter S. quotes: “I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

 

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Anti-Gun T-Shirt – No need.

January 4, 2013 § Leave a comment

Anti-Gun T-Shirt

Unless you’re killing zombies, there’s no place for guns in a civilised world.

Ok, I’m going to sound like a proper hippy now. And I don’t like that. I’m not the hippy-sort. Yes, I have long hair, but it’s more rock than folk if you know what I mean. Anyway, here’s an Anti-Gun T-Shirt.

I don’t like commenting on the politics of other countries, but because I enjoy the USA so much, it does annoy and upset me that so often (far, far too often) there is a story in the news about someone shooting someone else. Or shooting lots of people. We have gun crime in the UK too. But it’s far more likely that UK gun crime revolves around farmers forgetting to renew their license than actual shootings (though sadly, sometimes that happens too). But it’s now reaching ridiculous proportions in the US. Guns for sport are fine – as long as they’re properly protected, but an Uzi or AK-47 has no place in sport. If you need an Uzi to hunt a deer, you’re a really crappy hunter. Consider taking up a different hobby that doesn’t require the ability to aim. After the tragic school shooting in the US at the end of 2012, the NRA actually proposed that guns should be in all schools, carried by official security personnel. Really!? Yeah, put kids next to guns. Nothing could go wrong there. I mean, how bloody stupid do you have to be? I don’t even get the handgun thing if I’m honest. But if you put yours down, you have to hope that the guy next to you puts his down too, and if he doesn’t you have to pick yours up again… it goes on and on. No one wants to be the first to drop his weapon, so no-one drops their weapons. Of course you could hide behind that 2nd amendment. The one about having a militia to protect you from, well, whoever. Who’s actually going to attack the US these days in a way that means having guns would do any good? The British Red Coats? The Ruskis? Zombie Bin Laden? It just doesn’t make any sense these days. But when you treat a 200 year old political document like Holy scripture, this is what happens. It’ll probably never change, but I wish it would.

Anyway, mini-rant over. This excellent t-shirt is a great way to show your opposition to the idea of guns, whether you live in the US, the Uk or anywhere else. You can get it on spreadshirt.co.uk, where it costs £16.46, comes in loads of colours and sizes range from S-XXL. Until the zombies happen, there’s just no need for the guns.

 

Che Guevara Mario T-Shirt – Rise up (eat your mushrooms)!

December 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

Mario T-Shirt

We want our Peach and our Fire Flowers too” – Zapata (not really)

Mario and I have spent a lot of time eating mushrooms together. Then we’d jump down the drain, beat up some tortoises, run around and shoot fire from our finger tips. Good times. And, as Mario was responsible for a revolution in gaming, this Che Guevara Mario T-Shirt is most apt.

Friends! Plumbers! Talking Fungus! Lend me your long-tongued dinosaurs! It is better to die by being bitten by a piranha plant, than to live without ever having played Mario… Well, that’s enough of me hashing bits of other speeches together. Mario was revolutionary without the communist doctrine – though Marxio might have made a good alternative. Without Mario, the platform game as we know it today would never have come to be. Carting games would also be gone. And party games. This Italian plumber who spends his days chasing after a princess while battling giant bullets, walking bombs and whatever the hell a goomba is, made gaming what it is today. I don’t think Guevara would be proud, but in terms of iconic status, Mario is to gamers as Che is to socialists. I can think of few heroes worthy of being immortalised like this (massive lie).

If you’d like to get you hands on this Mario T-Shirt, head over to t-shirts.com where it’ll set you back just $16.99. It comes in red, and sizes go from small to XL. Viva Mario! Viva el Reino del Toadstool! E viva la Revolucion!

Private Eye T-Shirt – We need more like Ian Hislop.

November 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

That quote cost £60,000. Not bad for seven words.

In a nation suffering under an evil coalition, an uninspiring opposition, austerity, corporate greed and elitism, we need a publication that exposes and attacks it all. And we have one, which is why I went looking for a Private Eye T-Shirt.

I found this Ian Hislop T-Shirt. For those who don’t know, Ian Hislop is the editor of Private Eye Magazine, a British institution and one of the few magazines that I actually read on a regular basis. He also appears on Have I Got News For You, the BBC’s long running satirical news show, often confronting those guilty of any sort of indiscretion with his cheeky smile (which I imagine is incredibly irksome for anyone who has it directed at them). Private Eye (once owned by Peter Cook) has been reviewing the press and politicians for decades now. In fact, the publication recently turned 50. If you’re a journalist and you find yourself in the Street of Shame pages, it means that your rank hypocrisy or shoddy research has been exposed. If you’re a politician or a business-person and you appear anywhere else in its pages, it means you’re probably cooking the books, fiddling the numbers or doing something rather naughty that you shouldn’t be doing. It’s vital that people continue to read the Eye because it provides a humorous expose of the evils that those with power are doing. And it has never been afraid to say what others won’t. Hislop is the most sued man in Britain and the quote that features on this tee almost cost £600,000 when he made the remark after the wife of the Yorkshire Ripper sued the Eye for damages in 1989 after claims that she had done a deal with newspapers to sell her story (the figure was reduced on appeal). On this occasion, the Eye was wrong, but Hislop says what a lot of people think, and has never been scared to do so, despite knowing the court-time it will probably involve and the money he will probably lose (having won just two of his dozens of court cases). He fights like a cheeky schoolboy, against monsters of politics, journalism and business, and the best bit is that they’re all scared of him.

And you can get this t-shirt from redmolatov.com where it’ll cost you between £9.99 and £17.99, depending on the style. Lots of colours and lots of sizes to choose from. And I’ll leave you with another quote from Hislop that sums up exactly what he does best: “the best comedy is where you attack the strong, not the weak”.

 

Presidential T-Shirt – And the world breathes a sigh of relief.

November 7, 2012 § Leave a comment

barack obama t-shirt

Can he have another four more years after 2016? Please?

Well, what a night that was for American politics, eh? The world was watching and to celebrate the great result of Obama winning, here’s a Presidential T-Shirt for y’all.

I hope that, on the morning after the night before, Barack Obama wakes up, goes to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and does his best “Ayyyy!” impersonation of The Fonz. He’s earned it. It’s one of those weird moments when the whole world was happy that one good guy woke up the next day to still find that he had a job to do. He’s by no means perfect, and the US still has plenty of problems for him to try and solve so he should enjoy this second honeymoon period, but I’d rather it was him doing the trying and solving. Speaking as a Brit, I find myself envious of the USA because they have  a charismatic, charming, honest and hard-working president who quietly admits to his flaws with dignity and never milks his triumphs. Compared to the devious, shambolic and deceitful government that we have in the UK at the moment, the US is miles ahead of us when it comes to leaders. And a quiet “fair play” to Mitt Romney who, though I did not like his policies or a lot of his rhetoric, was gracious in defeat after a hard-fought campaign. However, I have no such regards for Donald Trump and that thing living on his head (it can’t be human). I think he’s actually gone mental and, if he hasn’t, he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself and, God willing, he’ll contract a really nasty disease.

But enough of the bitterness. Celebrate the commander in chief getting four more years with this Barack Obama T-Shirt. It’s a simple design, but a good one. You can get it at Spreadshirt.com and it was designed by NathanHALL-DESIGNS. It comes in various colours (including this classic black), sizes from S-XXL and it’ll cost you $19.40. Enjoy this moment America. And know that we are envious of you.

 

Guy Fawkes T-Shirt – I forgot to remember, remember.

November 6, 2012 § Leave a comment

Anonymous T-Shirt

Try to blow up parliament, get your face on a t-shirt. It’s that easy.

So what would be the perfect day to take a look at a Guy Fawkes T-Shirt? I’d have said the 5th of November. However, I should have said that yesterday. I forgot. Despite knowing the rhyme, I forgot.

To make up for my tardiness, I decided to go and find a particularly spiffing tee, and I think you’ll agree that I have. Also known as an Anonymous T-Shirt thanks to the cyber-terrorist/cyber-freedom-fighter (depending on your point of view) organisation who keep promising to take down Facebook (and I’d quite like it if they did) but never do. And people will also call it the V For Vendetta Shirt, due to the eponymous character of the excellent graphic novel (and ok film) donning this grinning face throughout. And Anonymous were inspired by V who was inspired by Guy Fawkes. The man who didn’t quite manage to destroy parliament has inspired a lot of people and every year in the UK, every November 5th we get to light loads of fireworks in his honour. True, a lot of us wish someone would have another go at blowing parliament, preferably with the current government trapped inside, but I for one am happy to settle for wearing a t-shirt like this. It’s a striking face and makes for an instantly recognisable t-shirt design.

Show your support for Guido, Alan Moore and/or hackers by grabbing one for yourself. It can be found at spreadshirt.com where it will cost you $18.90. It comes in lots of colours (but I rather like this striking green) and sizes go from S-XXL. There are plenty of other variants on the design so if you want something a little different, I’m sure it’s out there. Now I’m off to buy a 2013 calendar and scratch a note to remind me to do this for the 5th. Knowing my luck, I’ll do it on the 5th of October.

 

Barack Obama T-Shirt – For The Win.

November 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

obama t-shirt

He’s the good guy. Go vote for him.

This post is for all you wonderful American readers of bigscarytees.com who, in just a few short hours, will be heading to the polls. I give to you the Barack Obama T-Shirt.

Now, being a Brit, I have no right to comment on your politics as long as it stays civil. It’s not my place to say who’s better for you and you certainly shouldn’t listen to my opinion on the matter. However, I do have an opinion. I studied your kind for many years and I lived in Seattle a few years ago, so I know a little bit, and I can give you a more worldly view. My opinion is as follows: For the love of God, vote for Obama. My reasons for this view are several and include the following sentiments. First off, he’s getting you new jobs. Even with the New Deal, FDR couldn’t get the US out of recession without WW2, so for the job market under Obama to already be growing again is a miracle. Secondly, he’s getting you health-care. It’s not about European style socialism or anything else like that. It’s about you making sure that when you go to hospital, you don’t have to worry about money when there are far more important things like your health and even life to be worrying about. Speaking as someone who has always had an NHS (National Health Service) I really don’t know how you managed without one. It’s great. It’s got a few issues but they are massively outweighed by the bonuses of it. Thirdly, he’s a nice guy. How many politicians can you actually say are nice guys? …actually, he’s pretty much the only one I can think of. If this isn’t enough to persuade you, look at the other guy. He’s a lying, slimy git who believes he’ll be God’s representative in America, who supports a guy who says rape is a gift from God and he carries around binders full of women from time-to-time. If you want that in the White House, you deserve the hell that you’ll make for yourself.

So, show your support for Obama in these final hours of the 2012 election campaign by grabbing yourself this rather fetching t-shirt at cafepress.com. It’s for ladies, but there are plenty of versions for men too all over the net and in stores near you, so get to it. This one’s on special offer at $27 at the time of writing this article. It comes in seven colours and sizes run from small to 3XL. And if you want one last reason to like Obama, try this: he makes Donald Trump look like even more of mad-haired, vile, creepy ******* **** than he actually is. And that’s a hard thing to do because Trump really is ******* awful.

 

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