November 19, 2012 § Leave a comment
If you’ve not read Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, you need to. Everyone should read that book, if only to learn about the wonderful idea that is Bokononism. To help you out, here’d a Bokononist T-Shirt. Now put your feet up…
It’s great when you can find a t-shirt that represents something you really enjoy, and I enjoyed this book. A lot. So much so, that I’m thinking about adopting the fictional religion that is Bokononism as my own. As strange as that sounds, I’ve been a non-practising Jedi for years, but I digress. The basis of the religion is lies, but not the big destructive lies. Instead, it’s all about the little lies that make existence bearable. I like that idea. The big things, like the meaning of life and the nature of the universe don’t matter very much on a day-to-day basis, but the little untruths we tell ourselves every day mean a lot. And if you do start to think about the complicated bits, just whisper “busy, busy, busy” and forget about it. And it’s got lots of fun silly words too. If I were to say “Don’t deny your Zah-mah-ki-bo by joining a granfalloon, but instead find your true karass” I wouldn’t be talking like a Stuppa at all. And the supreme act of worship in this religion is to sit down on the floor, lift your feet into the air and place them against the feet of someone else. This is call boko-maru, and it will tell you all you need to know about everything that’s important about the other person. That’s why this tee has a nice footprint on it.
Anyway, read the book and you’ll probably want to be a bokononist too. There’s no official or ceremonial garb, but this Cat’s Cradle T-Shirt will do splendidly for casual wear. You can grab it at cafepress.com for $27 at the moment. There are eight colours and sizes go from Small to 3XL. And remember to “live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy”.
November 13, 2012 § Leave a comment
It’s time. I don’t know how it wasn’t time before now, but now is certainly time. Yes, I need to take a look at a Unicorn T-Shirt before it’s too late. And this one’s a cracker.
Now, I can imagine some of you asking “Really? Must we introduce elitism and class-snobbery to the realm of mythological animals? Must we further anthropomorphise fantastical creatures by adorning their images with human-centric paraphernalia?”. Yes. Yes we do/should/must. As far as a Unicorn Tee goes, this is the pies de resistance and it goes by the name of Baron Cornelius Van Horn, which is most apt. After all, the Mono-tined Horse (or Spikeus Fronteous to give its scientific name) is obviously in the upper ranks of mythological beasts. Pale, haughty, rarely seen, dangerous… sounds like pretty much most posh people I know. Therefore, the introduction of a monocle is most fitting, and the handlebar ‘tache sets it off very well. In truth, this t-shirt has nothing to do with Movember per se, but don’t forget that you can donate to that cause just by visiting the movember.com site. And if you’ve heard of other t-shirts sporting other animals sporting soup-strainers and cookie-dusters, do be sure to let me know.
If this looks like the t-shirt for you, head over to cafepress.co.uk and be sure to check out the Toxiferous’ range (that’s the very talented designer of the above shirt). I picked the ladies version, but there’s one for chaps too. This one comes in four colours, costs £21 (reduced from £23) and sizes go from small to XXL. So grow a mo, strap a sharp thing to your forehead and chase people around a forest. It’s lots of fun.
November 11, 2012 § Leave a comment
It’s Sunday, and I’m doing nothing. I was going to do something, and then I forgot what it was, so I’m not. I have nothing to do, and therefore, here’s a Nothing T-Shirt.
Yep, I’m in one of the most interesting cities in the world and I’m choosing to be bored. It’s a conscious thing. There are friends I could see, things I could do, people I could meet, sights I could see… and yet, I have no real desire to do any of them. Oh sure, tomorrow will be different. Typically, it’ll be on a day when I’m stuck in work that I’ll develop serious wander-lust, but right now, on this Sunday afternoon, I don’t really want to do anything. I might read a bit of my book, have a little walk, maybe a quick snooze. But all of that counts as doing nothing really. It’s unproductive and dull. Uninteresting and unremarkable. And that’s fine. Not ideal, and I have been doing rather a lot of nothing of late, but that’ll change. It’s all a bit “What’s the point?” in my mind of late. The thousand and one personal philosophies that my grey matter is usually hard at work on have become dead ends. So what’s the point of it all? Any of it. Who cares. For the moment, for today, nothing is absolutely fine with me. And because of that, this t-shirt is perfect for summing up this Sunday. Pleasing but uninspiring, but intentionally so. Great if you’re slacking off from some duty, whether it be work or existing within the sphere of the human race.
You can get yours at supergoodtees.com where, at the moment at least, it’ll cost you just £9.99. There are plenty of colours and even a few different styles available, and sizes range from Small to XXL. So enjoy doing nothing, because if you don’t, you’ll be sad. And with that, that’s all the productivity I have for the day done. Back to nothingness.
November 1, 2012 § Leave a comment
The Stormtrooper T-Shirt is the perfect garment for me today. It’s current and topical, though the only “topical” I need is the ointment kind for my ruined forehead. Let me tell you a tale…
So, some idiot (Me) decided to participate in yesterday’s Halloween celebrations by donning a particularly gruesome look (No, not just my normal face). I went as a guy who’d been shot in the head (as you do) and it looked really horrible, which is good for halloween. The only problem being that, because of overuse of fake blood, I have stained my forehead orange-red. I look like an overgrown Umpa Lumpa whose reconstructive surgery didn’t go quite as well as hoped. Though with the face paint that won’t wash out of my eyelashes, some have said I more closely resemble the world’s ugliest drag queen with a touch of dermatitis. Which is lovely. I tried everything to get it out. before you suggest anything, I already tried it. Seriously, I have had the lot on my forehead as of this morning. So what I really need, ironically the day after halloween, is a mask. Or a helmet, and that’s why the Stormtrooper helmet would be spot on. And a t-shirt that’s brighter than my face right now would be a good distraction too.
Now, as for the whole “Disney Buys Star Wars” thing, I’m sort of undecided and underwhelmed by the whole thing. They can’t do worse than Jar Jar Binks (I hope) and the plan always was to do nine films, so it’s good that that’s happening. And George didn’t seem to be as in love with the films as he used to be, and Disney is very good at making family films, which is what Star Wars always was. On the other hand, there are enough cartoons doing the rounds on the internet of Darth Pluto and Mickey Mouse as the Emperor to put me off. Time will tell, but I’m sure to pick up the next trilogy regardless. Not that he’ll ever read it or know about it or care, but I’d like to say thanks to Mr Lucas for creating the concept and the universe and the first three films that have made all of us nerds/geeks very happy over the years. May the force be with you, George.
Back to this rather splendid t-shirt, you can pick one up for yourself at bluebanana.com where it’ll cost you £15.99. It comes in red and sizes go from Jawa to Jabba (that’s Small to XL to you). It’s a grand looking tee, and if my head wasn’t glowing and if I weren’t feeling so sorry for myself, I’d praise it in a little more detail. But it is, and I am, so I’m not.
October 16, 2012 § Leave a comment
This Gorilla T-Shirt is great. As you may be aware, I like monkeys and apes, and the Gorilla is the ape-par-excellence. And King Kong is the big daddy of primates.
The Gorilla is a noble beast. Soulful eyes, a gentle manner, and the ability to flip into a blind rage and pull the arms off anyone who annoys it. They’re practically human. And King Kong was the most human of them all as he dangled from the Empire State building, clutching Fay Wray to his chest while swatting aeroplanes out of the air. Who among us has not done that? You have a few drinks, get a bit squiffy and the next morning you’re picking bits of propeller and fruit out of your hair and wondering why everyone’s looking at you a bit funny. Happens to the best of us. And now you can celebrate such moments with this rather delightful King Kong T-Shirt, as designed by just83in who often provides the world with excellent looking tees. This is one of my favourite illustrations in that range, and not just because it involves primates. It’s a brilliantly styled illustration that encapsulates the rage and humanity of the greatest of apes.
You can find this at spreadshirt.co.uk where it’ll cost you £28.02. It comes in loads of colours (I think it looks awesome in red) and sizes range from small to XXXL, so whether you’re a tiny gibbon or a monstrous ape, you’ll find the fit for you. I suddenly have a hankering for bananas…
September 18, 2012 § Leave a comment
The Duff Beer T-Shirt is a favourite of mine. It celebrates not only The Simpsons, a television show that I grew up with, but also beer. That’s two of my favourite things right there!
Bart Simpson and I are of a very similar age. I think he’s actually a couple of years older than me, and yet while his looks have remained youthful, mine have withered into the gnarled, grizzly and furry specimen that sits here writing this. One of the only advantages I have over him (and also a contributing factor to the gnarled/grizzly look) is that I got old enough to drink beer. I have sampled literally thousands of different beers from porters to stouts, from lagers to bitters and a few really weird ones besides. I’ve supped beers from all over the world, and found some real hidden gems from the oddest places. But while sitting in the Placa del Rei in Barcelona, about this time last year, I ordered a beer I’d not had before, and it turned out to be real, actual, genuine Duff. And it was darn tasty too. I was happy than a Spider-pig in… well, you know. Homer would be very happy were he to appear in the real world. So Bart can keep his youth, and I shall drink beer with Homer instead. Woohoo!
This fantastic looking Simpsons T-Shirt can be found at truffleshuffle.co.uk where it’ll cost you no more than £17.99 (and a bit of p&p). It’s red and it’s available in sizes small to XL (though they’re a bit low in stock at the moment). And just remember Homer’s wisest adage: “Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
September 3, 2012 § Leave a comment
This is by far the best Red Dwarf T-Shirt I could find. Not only is it worn by Dave Lister on screen, but you also get to add your own curry stains.
If you find yourself trolling about space, 3,000,000 years from Earth, alone apart from a neurotic android, a hopeless computer, an idiotic cat and the universe’s most annoying man, you’ll need to look sharp. Nothing accentuates your curves and drives the scutters wild like the bright red of the London Jets T-Shirt. You even get to pretend that you’re Jim Bexley Speed (he plays Roof Attack) for this much storied Zero-G Football team, and that’s pretty cool. I really really want one of these tees now. I’ve been a Red Dwarf fan ever since I heard my first ‘smeg’ and I’m cautiously looking forward to the new series – Red Dwarf X – which will be arriving in a couple of months. I’m cautious because the last outing couldn’t really be called a success, and it won’t be how it was all those years ago, but on the other hand, it’ll be great to see the crimson short one sailing through the big black again.
Show your support for Red Dwarf (and the London Jets) by heading over to 8ball.co.uk where you can pick this up for just £15.99. It’s available in four colours (but you’d have to be a gimboid to want anything other than red), and sizes range from small to 2XL. And you’ll have more fun wearing this than you would with Inflatable Rachel and the puncture repair kit.
May 30, 2012 § Leave a comment
The Three Wise Monkeys T-Shirt is a great example of the work done by one of my favourite t-shirt companies, Beckett & Beckett who specialise in aping apes (as in “those apes are aping people!” – if you see what you mean) and this is one of their best creations.
In what appears to be animal week on BSTs (I didn’t plan this but that’s what happened), this is a great addition to the flock/herd/gaggle/gang. I saw this t-shirt a couple of years ago and just knew I had to get my paws on one of them. A new interpretation of the classic fable “The Three Wise Monkeys” sees these apes sporting earphones, shades and a surgical mask. It looks great. It actually makes me like monkeys even more. I didn’t think that was possible. Look! A monkey wearing sunglasses! Squeee! I also like to think about what the one with headphones is listening to. Cue the monkey-pop-puns: We Are The Chimp-ions, Return Of The Mac-aque, Gorilla Radio, anything by Bananarama of course…
So, where can you wrap your opposable thumbs around this t-shirt? Well, I picked up mine at notonthehighstreet.com where it costs £19.00 or $31.00US depending on where your cheques are issued. It comes in four sizes from S-XL and in four colours – I’m particularly fond of the red one. It’s a fantastic looking t-shirt that’s great for monkeying around in. Ook!
May 22, 2012 § Leave a comment
When I’m scouting around for new t-shirts to review, one theme that seems to crop up more than any other is that of the Evolution T-Shirt. You know the one I mean. The figures walking from left to right across the chest, beginning with an ape, growing through Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus (don’t laugh) and into man. Typically there is a next stage too. But why are they so popular? What makes them such a strong theme?
Yes, they’re often funny, but there has to be more to it than that. There are a gazillion funny tees in the world, so why does this one have such a strong presence in the market? Is it our love of the possibilities that human evolution may hold, a wishful thought of what might be, or does it simply lend itself to great design?
I’d love to know your thoughts so please post a comment below if you have any idea why they’re so popular, or send me a link if you have a favourite. I’ve also included the links and details to the ones above if you fancy picking up one for yourself. Clockwise from top left are:
Bizarre Funny Evolution – From Spreadshirt.com $21.63 (available in 4 colours, sizes from S-XXL)
Evolution of Arcade – From 8ball.co.uk £14.99 (available in 5 colours, sizes from S-XXL)
Zombie Evolution – From Bigtimeteez.com $16.99 (available in 4 colours, sizes from S-XXXL)
Evolution of Evil – From Fictionaltees.com $19.95 (available in silver, sizes from S-XXXL)