Zelda T-Shirt – A Link to my past.

It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this t-shirt.

The Legend of Zelda games have a special place in my heart. Therefore it’s high time I looked at a Zelda T-Shirt, and this one is my favourite. Me and Link go way back, so we’re both pretty olde school.

There has never been a series of games that has had an effect on me like the Zelda titles. Shigeru Miyamoto created freedom within those games, as well as an epic storyline, wonderful characters, suspense, mystery and, above all else, fun. Each title, without exception, has been a joy to play, and some of them have even taken over my life for short periods of time. Ocarina of Time was immense and made choosing the N64 over the original Playstation a great decision for me. The fact that I am actually humming Epona’s song to myself now demonstrates how much I enjoyed that game. And then Twilight Princess owned me too. It was a fantastic game with excellent elements which turned the Wii from a gimmicky machine into a serious gaming platform (albeit for a limited number of titles). And I completed that game three times – twice at 100% – all objects found and every inch of Hyrule covered. It was great. But even before stunning graphics, the old Zelda games I had on my SNES and Game Boy were just as fun. Fun. Pure, joyful fun. I still love the feeling of running through Hyrule field and occasionally killing orcs, because it meant I was off on an adventure, even if I didn’t know what that adventure was. I don’t get to have so many adventures these days, either in real life or in video games, but at least I know I can always grab a copy of a Legend of Zelda game and head off to rescue a Princess. That’s a nice thing to have.

This charming Link T-Shirt comes to you from Stylinonline.com where it costs $19.88 and comes in brown. Sizes range from small to XXL, though at the time of writing, only small and XL were in stock. So, go grab some heart pieces, do some forward rolls and smash the sh*t out of everything with your sword as you run all over the place. You know you want to.

 

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Asteroids T-Shirt – Topical and terrifying.

Who thought a game about shooting rocks could be that addictive?

 

Ever wonder about a giant radioactive lump of ice, metal and rock slamming into the earth and wiping us out in a grim homage to the extinction of the dinosaurs? Are you a retro-gamer who believes that the Sega Master System is just a bit too modern? Then have I found the Asteroids T-Shirt for you.

Last week, space was providing us with lots of news. Most notably, an asteroid had a pretty near miss with the Earth, and another set a town in Russia on fire. We seem to be entering a time of increased space rock activity (either that or rolling-news channels are using them as a new way of scare mongering) which is fun if you’re an astronomer, but a bit terrifying for all the ‘fraidy-cats out there. Later in the year, a particularly big one will be as bright as the moon as it passes very close to us. Let’s just hope some evil scientist doesn’t figure out a way to make it hit us. If an asteroid is big enough, and breaks its orbit around the sun and becomes a meteor, and smashes into Earth as a meteorite, we’ll end up dying under sulphurous, radioactive ash clouds. That’s not due to happen (apparently), but if it does, anyone who’s a fan of the old arcade/Atari game Asteroids will be able to help. Give them a space ship and watch them spin around, blasting the meteor into smaller and smaller chunks until it is gone entirely. Or, if you give me a space ship, I’ll spin around missing everything before flying side-first into a rock. When the day comes, we’ll owe Atari our lives.

You can get this Atari T-Shirt at Gamerabilia.co.uk where it costs  £16.99. It comes in black and sizes range from small to XXL. It should also be noted that I know how to destroy an invading alien space fleet, provided that they move in a very regular, progressively descending way.

Earthworm Jim T-Shirt – We think he’s mighty fine.

Such a groovy guy.

This post is a bittersweet one. On the one hand, I get to think back to my youth with the help of one of the greatest computer game/cartoon characters ever, but on the other hand, I’m saying goodbye to my boss. Regardless of all that, the Earthworm Jim T-Shirt is an excellent garment.

Back in the days when having 16-bits in your console was the height of technology, we were spoiled for choice when it came to original video games. Developers could be a lot more daring in those days, and, in all honesty, the results were mixed. But one game that captured the imagination and delivered brilliant gameplay, was Earthworm Jim. What’s not to love about a worm running around in a robotic suit shooting things? I still own my Sega Megadrive but it rarely gets a look in these days. Maybe though, over Christmas, I might make Jim run one more time. However, another Jim is already running. My colleague (and boss) Jim is heading to pastures new leaving me with my training incomplete. Ok, so it’s not like I’m going to head of to Cloud City to take on Vader and get my arm cut off, but it’s still sad. I’ve been working with Jim for a year or so now, learning a lot about the stuff we do. Also, he’s one of the very few men in the office so I’m going to end up being suffocated by oestrogen and cupcakes (and not in a good way). He also curates a very cool graffiti website which I think you should all check out.

Back to the tee, and you can find this for yourself at myteespot.com where it costs just $19.99. It’s only available in 2XL Black at the time of writing this, so I hope you like ’em baggy. So goodbye Jim – it’s been a pleasure. Good luck!

 

Che Guevara Mario T-Shirt – Rise up (eat your mushrooms)!

We want our Peach and our Fire Flowers too” – Zapata (not really)

Mario and I have spent a lot of time eating mushrooms together. Then we’d jump down the drain, beat up some tortoises, run around and shoot fire from our finger tips. Good times. And, as Mario was responsible for a revolution in gaming, this Che Guevara Mario T-Shirt is most apt.

Friends! Plumbers! Talking Fungus! Lend me your long-tongued dinosaurs! It is better to die by being bitten by a piranha plant, than to live without ever having played Mario… Well, that’s enough of me hashing bits of other speeches together. Mario was revolutionary without the communist doctrine – though Marxio might have made a good alternative. Without Mario, the platform game as we know it today would never have come to be. Carting games would also be gone. And party games. This Italian plumber who spends his days chasing after a princess while battling giant bullets, walking bombs and whatever the hell a goomba is, made gaming what it is today. I don’t think Guevara would be proud, but in terms of iconic status, Mario is to gamers as Che is to socialists. I can think of few heroes worthy of being immortalised like this (massive lie).

If you’d like to get you hands on this Mario T-Shirt, head over to t-shirts.com where it’ll set you back just $16.99. It comes in red, and sizes go from small to XL. Viva Mario! Viva el Reino del Toadstool! E viva la Revolucion!

Piranha Plants T-Shirt – Plumbers beware!

Hand me the secateurs…

This Piranha Plants T-Shirt not only reminds me of the years I’ve spent in the company of a moustachioed Italian plumber, but it also looks really cool too.

I feel I know Mario quite well. Very well actually. In fact, I’m a bit annoyed that he doesn’t send me a Christmas card each year. I’ve gone driving with him, rescued him from monsters, helped him prescribe drugs and even played tennis with him. I know all the members of his family and I even helped him pull Princess Peach on multiple occasions. But of all the tasks that I have helped him with, the one that I failed at so often, was dealing with these plants. As shrubbery goes, there is no more villainous, devious and horrid lump of teeth-bearing vegetation than the piranha plant. It’s always been pretty low in the pecking order of Mario’s enemies, and they shouldn’t be that hard to deal with, but no matter how many times you play it, once in a while you’ll mistime your jump and get bitten in the backside by one of these evil buds. A frustration that I shall always have to live with I guess, but on the plus side, I can now sport this rather dashing t-shirt to remind me of the perils. It is beautifully designed and far more subtle than seeing Mario’s beaming grin all over your chest. I will happily slay koopa troopas and goombas in their thousands, but there is no weed-killer strong enough…

I stumbled across this Super Mario T-Shirt at crazydogshirts.com where it’ll set you back $15.19 at the moment (it’s reduced from $18.99 at the time of writing this post). Men’s and women’s styles both go from sizes S-2XL, while 3XL and 4XL are also available for the blokes, and it only comes in this subtle light brown. So eat some mushrooms, jump on some turtles and pass the pruning shears.

Controller Family Tree T-Shirt – That fruit ruined my thumbs.

The best way to go green.

The Controller Family Tree t-shirt represents a large chunk of my life. In fact, it represents the best chunk of my life. All those hours spent, thumbs twitching, eyes bleeding… Good times.

Whether it was making Mario jump on stuff, making Tony Hawk pull off a ridiculous flat-land combo (despite him being a ramp skater), hacking my way through a billion goblins in Hyrule or simply fishing for bass, controllers have always been my friend. My constant companion. From the joystick to the Wii-mote (which isn’t on here as it has no wire) and beyond, up until my teenage years, it was the best thing I could have in my hand. Then I discovered smoking (I know what you were thinking – pervert!) but that just led me to work out ingenious ways to smoke and play video games at the same time. This controller tee reminds me of so many hours spent leveling up, killing stuff, solving puzzles and other worthwhile pursuits. It’s a fantastically designed shirt, and the way the wires make up the trunk and leaves is oh so clever. Any gamer would be proud to sport this t-shirt. Probably for several days at a time in a dark room.

So where can you get this homage to the history or arthritis? It comes from the Nerd-vana that is Thinkgeek.com where it’s available (only in green) in sizes S-XXL. And it’s a snip at only $24.99 too. Now I feel the urge to go kill some stuff on my tv. Which is a good thing.

Retro Arcade Ghost T-Shirt – One for the ladies…

waka waka waka waka...

One of my friends said to me a couple of days ago that I never look at any women’s t-shirts and I wanted to put that right. This Retro Arcade Ghost T-Shirt is made for ladies (though there is a men’s version too), even though if ever there was a unisex garment, surely it would be the humble tee?

I am a fan of retro gaming. Of gaming in general in fact. And Pac-Man is a classic. Alas, when I was nerding it away on an old Atari emulator in my teenage years, I never found a girl who said “that’s so cool!” At best, they thought Atari was my way of mispronouncing an Italian clothes designer. *sigh* I still haven’t found a girl who really likes retro games but, thankfully, asking a girl if she wants to have a go on Xenon or Gauntlet is no longer my “go-to” move. Now it’s just a quiet, secret shame that doesn’t get revealed until the relationship is long underway and she’s too invested to back out over something so trivial. But if I ever find a girl who’d wear this, who would buy it for herself, I will be eternally happy.

If I ever do find said female, it’ll be in part thanks to the good folks at Layer Eight who have created this gloriously geeky Pacman t-shirt. Ladies, you can grab your own from notonthehighstreet.com for £25. It’s only available in navy blue and in UK sizes 10 and 12. Game on.

Commodore 64 Tee – Memories…

You guys who had Ataris wish you had C64s.

The Commodore 64 T-shirt is one of my favourites. When I was writing that last post about Reece Ward’s Tetris Tee, it got me thinking about my retro gamer past. I’ve always loved computer games and so any t-shirt that helps me celebrate them is always going to be a aces in my book.

Ok, so 8Ball.co.uk didn’t do anything really clever. There’s no amazing design work going on with this t-shirt, but there is a logo and it’s a logo that holds a special place in my heart. When I was a really little kid, my uncle gave me his old C64 and loads of games. It was a massive keyboard, a joystick and a tape deck for cassettes. Cassettes! Most kids these days don’t even know what a cassette is! Now I have an iPad app that holds the whole thing and all the games but that’s besides the point.

You can pick this badboy piece of retro gaming gear from 8Ball for the price of £14.99 and it’s available in three colours – grey, blue and white. Game on.

p.s. Bruce Lee was my favourite game on the C64 – just so you know.

Tetris T-Shirt – the first of many

I wish I could find my old Gameboy. *sigh*

Reece Ward’s exceptional Tetris T-Shirt.

When you start one of these blogs, you should always begin as you mean to go on. T-shirt designers don’t get much better than Reece Ward. The man is skilled. From his Star Wars t-shirts (which put most others to shame – check out his Super Trooper design here) to his subversions of cultural icons (Jimi Hendrix playing Guitar Hero for example), the man’s imagination is as impressive as his execution.

If you haven’t done so already, head over and check out his site where you’ll find a wealth of incredible tees. In the meantime, I’ll have to start going through those old boxes in the loft in the hope of finding my original Gameboy. For about three months, the only game I had when I first got it was Tetris. I got very good at it. All my friends got very good at it. Even my mother got good at it. When I saw this t-shirt, I was taken back to those days in a dot matrix wind of nostalgia. I don’t think I ever thought that the blocks on that tiny screen were being dropped by cranes, but that thought and this tee proves Reece Ward has more of an imagination than I do.

So that was the first post of this blog. Went ok, right? I thought so. Start how you mean to go on, etc. Yeah. Not bad. See you in the next post.

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