November 28, 2012 § Leave a comment
Bah, and indeed, humbug. I’m not normally down on Christmas, but this year, I’m really not feeling it, and as the happy day approaches, I shall be wearing this Christmas T-Shirt.
I work in an industry where people start planning for Christmas in June. By the time I get to the end of November, I’d happily stuff Santa Claus into his own sack with a couple of bricks and through him into the Thames. If Christmas dinner were up to me, I’d serve reindeer steak in the hope that I’d get Rudolph. I shall be putting a bear-trap in the fire grate. I have no problem with some people celebrating the birth of Christ (if that’s your bag, good luck to you) or enjoying family, but I do take issue with mindless flocks worshipping Coca Cola’s Santa Claus® and all of the greed that goes with it. I’m going to have to go and elbow my way through the shops, stepping on small children and fighting people who would be sane and courteous at any other time of year, just to get some gifts. I’ll have to put up with the stench of mulled wine in the pubs I frequent. Brussels sprouts will rear their ugly, smelly, green heads again. Trains and traffic will be a nightmare. All that God-awful music that gets vomited into my ears day after day after day. It’s cold, it’s dark and quite frankly, I’d rather saw off my own foot with a blunt plastic ruler dipped in vinegar and salt than suffer through everyone forcing themselves to be jolly again. I can only hope that my grim, dark mood infects those around me this time and we can forget the whole stupid thing. When I read history, I was never a big fan of Oliver Cromwell, but when I found out that he made celebrating Christmas illegal, I really warmed the miserable git.
And what shall the uniform of this particular Scrooge be this year? Why, it’ll be this tee which sums up my feelings both accurately and succinctly. I found it at Spreadshirt.com where it costs $22.70. It comes in a variety of colours and sizes range from small to XXL. Now, if someone could please inject my mince pie with a strong sedative, I can sleep through the whole rotten thing.